Not Mine To Have 2

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Well, A'an...This is the continuation of the story...

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‘Yunho-sshi…’

Shit. When did he come here?

‘Ah…manager-san,’ I faked a smile and watch Changmin observing me at the corner of my eyes.

I guess that the manager noticed my action towards Changmin is a little bit different lately. Each touches lingers a little more than usual, each look casted upon his face is a bit too needy and lustful and each time I heard someone mentioning his name, a smile creeps at the corner of my lips. It is all too obvious but I guess I just can’t stop myself. It is as if my body has a mind of its own.

The manager didn’t stay for too long. He just wanted to discuss about Changmin’s activity after Paradise Ranch and the fan-meeting at Japan was mentioned too. Why he called my name? Well, maybe to wake me up from my day-dreaming I guess.

Sure, he still contacted HIM although we no longer stay together. I guess he wanted to cheer HIM up. Well, he should cheer ME up. I am down too. I am hurt too. I have to carry the entire burden, all the dead-man’s weight. I have to do it all. So why not me that is getting the comfort? This is not fair. Gritting my teeth, I walked to the room and close it. Trying to sleep is hard lately but I forced my eyes shut anyway. I need to gain control of my body back.

Late at night, I heard creaking of the door being opened and soft, cautious step on the floorboard; approaching me. The side of the bed dipped a bit but I maintained my mouth-hanging-sleeping-position. I heard him drawing his breath, and I felt those soft, long fingers slid under my blanket, caressing me carefully; making me all hot and bothered. His hand goes lower and lower and finally, he found it…

My hand, my bruised hand.

Slowly, he lifted my hand and holds it gently. Then I felt something hot trickling down my hand. His tears… It took me all the power and will to lay still and not stand up, hug and kissed him soundly. Why is he torturing me like this? The gentle kiss that he placed on the battered hand makes me wanna love him forever. I want to protect him, make him be like what he used to be. I want to see him with his mismatched eyes and his unstoppable laughter. I want my Changmin back. But I do not want to scare him away with my love. The last time I hugged him was because I can’t stand to see him crying last Christmas because he missed them too much.

He finally finished putting ointments on my wound. I expected to hear him closing back the door and walking out from the room so I turned around, trying to bury my head in the pillow so I won’t hear him leaving. But then the bed dipped further and I felt him sliding underneath the blanket; feeling him inching over me and his hot breath behind my back. Then his fingers briefly locked in mine before moving to my chest, hugging me closer to him. I turned swiftly, surprised…

His eyes looked big and starry in the dark room. He inches closer and I can see the lustrous, thick lashes before me.

‘But Jaejoong…’

‘Sshhh…’

~*~