by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my
Click. The sound of the door being unlocked. I look at the shadow in the dark, the silhouette of his body. Softly I whispered; my voice croaked,
‘You’re back. How was your day?’
That shadow seemed startled. Then lights blinded me.
‘Why are you sitting in the dark?’
When I didn’t answer, he sighed and replied, ‘It is fine. How are yours? You know, something funny happened today…’ and he began to talk but I didn’t hear anything.
I was busy scanning his face, looking for signs. Yes, he is radiating with warmth and he looked just fine. He talk and laugh like normal but his smile is fake. Yes, I do know that and it hurts me to see him like that. He can fool everyone with that smile of his, but not me. I’ve known him long enough to see through him. But most of all, the thing that hurt me the most is his eyes. They are grave and dead. There are no more laughter in it. it is just like black hole, just orbs staring back at you with nothing to share. The dead, empty eyes that stares right back at you.
‘I’m going to bed. See you in the morning,’ he waved and went inside his room. Silence creeps in the living room and I just sit there on the sofa, unmoving. ‘Oh, switch off the lamp before you go to bed will ya?’ he yelled from his bedroom. I turned back to face the blank TV. The room is dead silence, only the whirring of the fan blade can be heard.
Hugging my leg, I feel the same sadness that live in the house. The air is sometimes un-breathable; it chokes and suffocate; killing me inside. I carry the same ache for months now. My chest feels heavy and holey. It feels cold and bitter. I feel as if I am here but I am really not here. My body is here but my mind and heart is no longer in me. It is as if I died inside. My body is just an empty vessel with no owner.
The soft tinkling tinsel suddenly caught my eyes and I slowly turned my head at the Christmas tree that we decorated long ago. I hear the ghostly laugh of us, the teasing and the jokes and my head hurts. I hear the promises that we made, the pain that we have, the decision that we need to take. I gripped my chest. It hurts too much.
‘Make it stop. Please stop,’ I whispered as tears filled my eyes.
‘Don’t worry. It will be over soon. I will bring our laughter back in the house, Minnie,’ and that warm, huge body hug me from behind; washing my pain with his beautiful soothing words as leader.
This is just a random thoughts.
