Yesterday (21.03.09) my family went to the kenduri at my cousin's house at Bagan Serai, Perak. My cousin is a doctor so the wedding is extravagant but modest at the same time. All my aunties' and uncles' from the Ariffin's clan are there, so it was like a family reunion all over again.
The journey was tiring. We went back around 3.00++ p.m. and arrived at Gurun around 5.50 p.m. and there was a long queue at the intersection. At first we thought that a train was passing through but it turns out that there was none. Then, we all curses the policeman as we thought that they were doing the 'roadblocks' but then again, there was no 'roadblocks'.
All of us were exhausted and thus, all the traffic jam is getting to our nerves. However, we finally learned a horrible truth a few minutes after that. It turned out that there was an accident up ahead that caused all the traffic jam. Our blood froze to the spot as we watched the young motorcyclist that was lying cold on the ground surrounded by a group of people and police. Sadly, the young man died on the spot. To add to our horror, the motorcycle looked exactly like ours and the fact that my younger brother did not come along to the wedding makes my heart skipped a beat. The motorcycle was red in colour and the plat number is identical to ours. It was KCH 9...(something, as we could not see it clearly) but that seriously freaks my mum and my dad. My dad pointed out that it was not ours as the motorcycle's basket was steel and ours was plastic but that did not calms my mum; nor did it soothes me. So my mum called my brother and to our relief, he picked up the phone; telling my mum that he is playing football at the field near our house.
PHEW....major relief.
If that turns out to be .... Thank Allah s.w.t that it was not. I was so scared that I nearly cried. I mean, knowing how my brother drives certainly did not put anyone at ease and that motorcycle looked seriously like ours. huhu....
Unsung Hero (cont...)
My dad is not the man I hoped him to be. He rarely shows that he loves us, he rarely smiled and joked around, he is serious and he nagged. He is not the ideal father that I wanted. When I was a small child and around my teenager's year, I prayed to Allah s.w.t to give me another father and not the one that I have now. I often prayed and wished that he is not mine, that I was someone's else child. I know it is absurd to wished about that, let alone pray for it. But I do. I wished and prayed really hard. I used to imagine that my father is like the ideal father on the television. A happy, loving, caring, warm kind of father. I really wish that he is like that. But he is not.
There was a time that I got really angry with my father because he did not open my present that I bought for him on his birthday; let alone to look at it. I was pissed off and upset and as a result, I intentionally forgets his birthday every year up until three years back. I know that I am being mean, but his action anguish me and makes me feel so sad and unwanted. I bought that present because I cared and I have taken so much time and saved my money so that I would be able to buy it. It was not an expensive one, just a coffee mug and some memo that costs only RM 15. But because at that time, he was promoted and transferred at his new office, I guess that he would be happy to accept it. When I bought it, I was hoping that he would use the mug and proudly showed his fellow friends and bragged at the fact that his daughter cared and loved him. I have that picture perfect image in my head and carefully wrapped this present. On his birthday, I intentionally wakes up early and put the present on top of his drawer as he will always take a look at the drawer because all of his possessions are on that drawer. Again, I intentionally wrote a card that screams "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!" with the capital letter and let it faced the front of the drawer so that he will looked at it and smiled; knowing that I remembered his birthday. I waited for his response, to see his brightly lit face as he walked out from the room and disappointed as he did not show any sign at all. He just walked out from the house, not looking back or even looked at me who was waiting at the sofa. I was confused. Thus, I went to his room to check and the present is still there, untouched. Then I said to myself,
'Well, maybe he is late to work,' and swallow the bitterness that I felt inside.
Guess what...two days had passed and the present is still there; sitting, unmoved and dusty from all the dust in the room. My heart was torn to pieces. He could not missed the present as he takes and put his belonging there all the time and the card was too obvious to be ignored. Unless, I have another 'dad' in the house, I could not see the reason why he ignore it. I took the present, crying silently and threw it in the bin. With that, I threw my feelings and heart along with it. I was angry, I felt unappreciated and thrown aside. I was thirteen at that time. I carried that feeling and resented him, not caring when his birthday showed up and only lavishly and lovingly poured my mother all the attention during her birthday.
All of us; my sisters and brothers always collect money and gave my mother all the presents, preparing surprises for her and our biggest and most memorable gift was during Mother's Day in year 2004. We surprises her with a bouquet of flower containing 100 roses, and a Rolex watch with our collection money. My dad feels down about it. I knew that he did. He can see that we did not celebrate his birthday, let alone remembering Father's Day. He felt alone. I can see it in his eyes. But somehow, it makes me feel happy. I know that it is cruel but at that moment, I felt happy because I think that he deserve it after letting me down.
However, as years goes by, I forgive him little by little. I figure out that although he is not a man that shows his love to his family, but deep inside, he love us dearly. My father is a hero. Yes, he have many flaws, all human do; but he is a man that sacrifices many for his loved ones. He never fails to send and fetch me home every time I come back from Kuantan. He is always there. He will come although it is very late at night or really early in the morning. He never fails to come and I know that once I got off from the bus, he will be there waiting. That thoughts makes me feel safe and loved. I never realized it before but I do think that my father is a great man. Once, my sister worked in Tesco and when he shift ended at 12 oclock at night, he will go all the way to Sungai Petani, Kedah and fectched her because he feared that something will happen to her. As for now, he waited for nearly 1 and a half hour every time, every day as I finished my practical time at 6 ++ whereas he finishes at 5 p.m. Who can do that but my father? When other father simply asked their children to take a bus or taxi, he is willing to wait hours upon hours without fails for me.
I learn to appreciate him and accept him as who he is. Now I thanks Allah s.w.t. every single day for blessing and bestowing my father to me. I could have never asked a better father than him.
Amin.
Okay then...
See you when we'll see you!
The journey was tiring. We went back around 3.00++ p.m. and arrived at Gurun around 5.50 p.m. and there was a long queue at the intersection. At first we thought that a train was passing through but it turns out that there was none. Then, we all curses the policeman as we thought that they were doing the 'roadblocks' but then again, there was no 'roadblocks'.
All of us were exhausted and thus, all the traffic jam is getting to our nerves. However, we finally learned a horrible truth a few minutes after that. It turned out that there was an accident up ahead that caused all the traffic jam. Our blood froze to the spot as we watched the young motorcyclist that was lying cold on the ground surrounded by a group of people and police. Sadly, the young man died on the spot. To add to our horror, the motorcycle looked exactly like ours and the fact that my younger brother did not come along to the wedding makes my heart skipped a beat. The motorcycle was red in colour and the plat number is identical to ours. It was KCH 9...(something, as we could not see it clearly) but that seriously freaks my mum and my dad. My dad pointed out that it was not ours as the motorcycle's basket was steel and ours was plastic but that did not calms my mum; nor did it soothes me. So my mum called my brother and to our relief, he picked up the phone; telling my mum that he is playing football at the field near our house.
PHEW....major relief.
If that turns out to be .... Thank Allah s.w.t that it was not. I was so scared that I nearly cried. I mean, knowing how my brother drives certainly did not put anyone at ease and that motorcycle looked seriously like ours. huhu....
Unsung Hero (cont...)
My dad is not the man I hoped him to be. He rarely shows that he loves us, he rarely smiled and joked around, he is serious and he nagged. He is not the ideal father that I wanted. When I was a small child and around my teenager's year, I prayed to Allah s.w.t to give me another father and not the one that I have now. I often prayed and wished that he is not mine, that I was someone's else child. I know it is absurd to wished about that, let alone pray for it. But I do. I wished and prayed really hard. I used to imagine that my father is like the ideal father on the television. A happy, loving, caring, warm kind of father. I really wish that he is like that. But he is not.
There was a time that I got really angry with my father because he did not open my present that I bought for him on his birthday; let alone to look at it. I was pissed off and upset and as a result, I intentionally forgets his birthday every year up until three years back. I know that I am being mean, but his action anguish me and makes me feel so sad and unwanted. I bought that present because I cared and I have taken so much time and saved my money so that I would be able to buy it. It was not an expensive one, just a coffee mug and some memo that costs only RM 15. But because at that time, he was promoted and transferred at his new office, I guess that he would be happy to accept it. When I bought it, I was hoping that he would use the mug and proudly showed his fellow friends and bragged at the fact that his daughter cared and loved him. I have that picture perfect image in my head and carefully wrapped this present. On his birthday, I intentionally wakes up early and put the present on top of his drawer as he will always take a look at the drawer because all of his possessions are on that drawer. Again, I intentionally wrote a card that screams "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!" with the capital letter and let it faced the front of the drawer so that he will looked at it and smiled; knowing that I remembered his birthday. I waited for his response, to see his brightly lit face as he walked out from the room and disappointed as he did not show any sign at all. He just walked out from the house, not looking back or even looked at me who was waiting at the sofa. I was confused. Thus, I went to his room to check and the present is still there, untouched. Then I said to myself,
'Well, maybe he is late to work,' and swallow the bitterness that I felt inside.
Guess what...two days had passed and the present is still there; sitting, unmoved and dusty from all the dust in the room. My heart was torn to pieces. He could not missed the present as he takes and put his belonging there all the time and the card was too obvious to be ignored. Unless, I have another 'dad' in the house, I could not see the reason why he ignore it. I took the present, crying silently and threw it in the bin. With that, I threw my feelings and heart along with it. I was angry, I felt unappreciated and thrown aside. I was thirteen at that time. I carried that feeling and resented him, not caring when his birthday showed up and only lavishly and lovingly poured my mother all the attention during her birthday.
All of us; my sisters and brothers always collect money and gave my mother all the presents, preparing surprises for her and our biggest and most memorable gift was during Mother's Day in year 2004. We surprises her with a bouquet of flower containing 100 roses, and a Rolex watch with our collection money. My dad feels down about it. I knew that he did. He can see that we did not celebrate his birthday, let alone remembering Father's Day. He felt alone. I can see it in his eyes. But somehow, it makes me feel happy. I know that it is cruel but at that moment, I felt happy because I think that he deserve it after letting me down.
However, as years goes by, I forgive him little by little. I figure out that although he is not a man that shows his love to his family, but deep inside, he love us dearly. My father is a hero. Yes, he have many flaws, all human do; but he is a man that sacrifices many for his loved ones. He never fails to send and fetch me home every time I come back from Kuantan. He is always there. He will come although it is very late at night or really early in the morning. He never fails to come and I know that once I got off from the bus, he will be there waiting. That thoughts makes me feel safe and loved. I never realized it before but I do think that my father is a great man. Once, my sister worked in Tesco and when he shift ended at 12 oclock at night, he will go all the way to Sungai Petani, Kedah and fectched her because he feared that something will happen to her. As for now, he waited for nearly 1 and a half hour every time, every day as I finished my practical time at 6 ++ whereas he finishes at 5 p.m. Who can do that but my father? When other father simply asked their children to take a bus or taxi, he is willing to wait hours upon hours without fails for me.
I learn to appreciate him and accept him as who he is. Now I thanks Allah s.w.t. every single day for blessing and bestowing my father to me. I could have never asked a better father than him.
Amin.
Okay then...
See you when we'll see you!
