lazy bum that I am

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com


Heyya, folks.. Due to serious case of laziness, so I haven't been updating anything for approximately 2 weeks? (give and take a day or two) and blame my consciousness for being the sluggish that I currently am. Course works have demanded more out of me than I possibly can and I am seriously clutching to my very edge of mental indifference . I hope I can cope, seriously. By hook or by crook, I have to survive this. It's only my first semester, for God's sake and already I am dreading my everyday life here. It's irritating (me of myself) sometimes..





Ah, this time around, I have 2 poems to post. I made this a along time ago. Actually my inspiration usually comes from moments and feelings that I have experienced myself, and it's normally based on how I view that certain moment that I wrote my many poems and creative writing texts. (I wonder why am I being so formal this time.. aish..)

_______________________________

Friends Anguish

betrayal
the sensation seeps through you
provoking rage
recalling memories
visions are red
thus tremble your deeds
what wrongs have you done?
the more you push through
the more are you disregard

sorrow
distressing your very being
aggravating sanity
plummeting confidence
sinks in thrust
blurs the eye
acceptance seems impossible
the more you push through
the more are you disregard

hopeless
heartens your way out
looking elsewhere
thrusting strangers
clenches loneliness
howl sobs
you flee
no more of you pushing through
no more of them disregarding you

[this poem is inspired by many things that happened in my life this of late. You know how life sometimes sucks because of the elements it evolves around.. etc..]

_______________________________

Resonance of DBSK

I hear you
and feels of requited love
soothes like angel's tenor
calming til sleep lull
intoxicating like sirens' would
transferring dreams to seventh heaven
your voices are beautiful
intertwined, creating lullaby
together and captivating eyes
with just the presence of five
persuading all drunken
thirst for more
binding them in nexus
exodus them from reality
flown them to fantasy
in the sweet tenor of your voices

sing on
drown me in
your red ocean of vast
it's where I belong

[you know you know from where I got my inspiration to write this poem. huhu.. truthfully this is how I feel, listening to them]


Well, then. I'll be writing more in the near future. Life's just too twisted to let it go just like that (if you get what I mean.. =) That's that, folks! xD

Not Your Favourite Girl

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa...

Long time no see...I didn't have any idea on what 2 write...

So I'm reverting back to my old self to write poem...

Not Your Favourite Girl

Your preferences
differs from mine
You ask for a lot
and I am just able to give a little

High above the ground
you lifted me up
soaring me high

but
as high as you tried to lift me
your face is still at distance
your words and actions are mere illusions

I might not be your favourite girl
with long flowing hair
slim tall figure
beautiful and sexy face

I am just me
A person that is lacking

but you too forgets
that you are not perfect yourself

Seeing you with naked eyes
people see perfection beyond compare
but deep inside
you are an empty shell
that crave nothing but yourself

that's all folks

see you when we'll see you

Acid in My Brain

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Hell-o~
(-_-iii)

Ah~
Me and Farah had co-curriculum class diz morning. Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah to be exact. I still can't quite believe that I join this club. It's my last resort, to be honest and mainly because the 'other' club was just to stupid and such a-shit to accept me.

Oh, well..

It's bad, how I started my day today. I woke up so very late, approximately 45 minutes after the intended time (I think it's partly because I cried a bucket watching 'A Millionnaire's First Love' last night. It's so sad!!). So I confess I didn't take my bath before going to the meeting *grins toothily* But hey! I did brush my teeth and washed my face, all right!

And there was another shitty thing happened at the PBSM meeting this morning as well. For this week, we learnt the CPR procedure. You know how some people would have troubles with doing the practical part so they record it instead. Now, Farah already had her recorded part, but it was still not that clear since she didn't recorded it up close. Then there was this chinese guy in their VAD who did. So, she decided to asked him if he could bluetooth it to her. You know how when we're studying, we share any informations that we have with our friends, right? Doesn't matter if that friend if someone we hardly know but still, this is knowledge we're talking about. So if it's me, honestly, I don't mind sharing. Really.

Back to this chinese guy and Farah. So she asked him if he would bluetooth the video to her. And you know what he replied? (this part happened right in front of my eyes, you see)

"No, I'll not give it to you,"

and the next sentence:

"No, I'm not willing,"

and I can still remember his face when he said this with complete clarity. How dare he, saying those right in front of someone's face? Have he no consideration? Okay, okay. You don't want to give it to people. Fine. But can't you please speak politely, please? Say things like, 'Oh, my bluetooth's no working, maa. Sorry' or something. Is it so hard in saying 'I'm sorry'? I feel like slapping him, I really am. Such attitude. Maybe he can just shrunk in hell where he belonngs.

I don't get what's the problem. 1 Malaysia, huh? ('__')

Hm~
I meant to post a poem this time round, actually. But blurting this out seems more of a priority at the moment. Huhu..



Well, that's that for now, folks!
xD

Attention!

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa...

I'm having headache right now. Let me start rambling about my current situation. It is funny what fasting can do to you. I mean, not fasting in general, it is more like what hunger can do to you. I think I am more sensitive when I am hungry and I tend to get emotional in this kind of situation.

You see, when you have seven siblings, it is hard to get the same unconditional and undivided love from your parents. Although of course, parents will never say that they are being unfair. They will say that all of their children get the same attention and love, there will be no bias or favouritism but all in all, I think it is a lie. Even we ourselves tend to get choosy and we will favour one person more than the other. You know that you are being unfair but you can't help it. It just happens.

Anyway, in a big family situation where everyone is fighting for more attention and love, it is difficult to get notice sometimes. You will feel like you are left-out and sometimes you could even come to the conclusion that maybe you are not really your mum and dad's flesh. You might be adopted and somewhere in your mind, you think that your real family is out there looking for you. I know I did think like that when I was small. I was so convinced about it since I am the darkest one in the family with straight hair and boyish features. I do not think that I fit in my family because they are all fair and have curly-ish hair.

Well, (okay...I am getting there) today I felt a pang of sadness. I think this is a childish behaviour and I will be okay afterwards but now, I am sad. When I am sad, my brain will start to hurt a lot and this led to me being tension. My mum was joking. I know she did (I hope...) when I told her that I still haven't buy my baju raya and guess what she said?

'Padan muka.'

How on earth can you say that?

Wow.

Looking at that phrase makes me wanna cry...

Okay...

Signing out for now.

See you when we'll see you.

Melancholy of a Sleepyhead

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Current music: Yakusoku (Promise) by DBSK
Current read: Anything of fanfiction with 'SMUT' rating
Current mood: Oily

--melancholy starts--

Tomorrow's class at 9. And I haven't been sleeping yet. And it's already 3.30 am. Tinie's at my back, doing her assignment *turns* (oh, man, she's already asleep) and here I am, online-ing and messing myself with the likes of fanfiction that I love so much, even if that I'm not supposed to cause they drove me insane with the needs to always read them and I can't do that because if I do, I'll never be able to stop and I refuse to be a victim of a sick ---holic person although, literally, I am one and I don't fucking give a damn how madly in love I am right now and I am though how should I do when there are five of them and I'm only supposed to be married to only one, have cute kids with slanting eyes, great voice and lithe forms (in my dreams) oh God please let me stop now cause I'm dying from lack of oxygen but why, oh WHY do sate nowadays are so expensive, like, sky rocketed expensive and I mean RM0.60 per piece, my ass thus that is crazy and you can find sates with much lower price tastes much, much better with bigger meats attached to the sticks, but oh, shit my stomach is grumbling. S.O.S. *inhales...exhales*

I miss my cow.. Seriously I do. I am. I was and will always be. It's just that I don't see the point to bringing it here when I always kick him in the end. I'll find him lying soberly at the bottom of my bed, non-existence tears fell silently on his face. Not to mention he would get squash by the heads of my peers, anyway. Poor him. Thus, rather than being squash senseless, best he be left, quietly brooding in my closet. He has all kinds of friends in there anyway. A moustach-less Cat, a half-mouth Teddy and a chibi Ultraman. Go Cow! Cow go round~

OMFG
I have a presentation tomorrow and I don't have a fucking clue as to what I should say tomorrow. I don't have any fucking idea what is it that she really wanted. What a way of motivation, eh? 2 of my major tests were a complete shit and suddenly, I find myself eager for the next assignment to be issued. I KNOW I am mentally sick. Everyone can tell especially now. AND my ex contacted me at four yesterday and I found myself want to be contacted again. Double mental sickness. Gosh.. No wonder I don't have any boyfriend yet.

am currently screaming (in head):
"I AM TIRED
I AM WEARY
I HAVE HEADACHE
I AM GONNA GO CRAZY"

self screams back:
"THEN GO TO SLEEP, YOU BITCH!"

See? I told you I am crazy.

~at another part of my head~

IMMA GONNA GRADUATE~~
IMMA GONNA GRADUATE~~
YAY!!

Oh, yeah.
I'm gona stop now. Have kad raya to finish writing now. Or sleep to be consumed. Have it anyway you want and YESS, IT'S RAINING!!

--melancholy ends--

And~ Just something to salivate (dat a word?) over.. ^^

*drools*

That's that, folks~
xD

Tension?

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa!!

Urgh! I think I am too tensed out lately...Y? Don't ask. U don't want 2 know. It is a looooong story. Trust me when I say that. However, all those tension resulted in:

PIMPLES!

Argh!!!

Another reason to worry....

Haih~

Okay then...

C u when we'll see u...

P.S Does anyone knows how 2 get rid of them? Other than stop worrying.

With You

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Once again, this short story is also dedicated to them. I think it reflects their current situation; problems with SME and all, though I sincerely hope not as extreme. Enjoy!!

[YUNJAEYOOSUMIN]

With You

You are drenched from head to toe.

Let this be.

You are tired. You are weary.

I want to stop.

Tears marred your beautiful porcelain face, despite the wetness. Your hair disentangles. Your lips are blue. Your fingers are shrunken. Your body is trembling.

Let me be.

You feel like shutting everything down. Everything is attacking you from all sides. Left. Right. Up. Down. You have no room to hide, be yourself. You are insecure. It seems impossible that you’ll win.

Please leave me be.

Others are suffering too, you know that. It feels like it is caused by you. You brought the issue up. The other two agree with you. And another two know you have made the decision.

I’m so sorry.

Thunder growls ahead, as if unwilling to accept your forgiveness. You feel so alone. In this place only you know, you feel so alone; a feeling you have never felt before in this place.

Just take me away.

You choke on the sobs that threatened to leave your mouth. Your right hand clenches on the shirt at your chest, as if to clenches away the pain in your heart. Your body bows to the hurt. It does nothing.

Oh, God. Just take me away.

Helplessness drains you of rationality. Insecurity threatens your sanity. You’re falling off from a high cliff. You’re choking on the bleach. You’re stabbed straight on your chest. You’re all that.

Just take me already.

…

Sudden screech of a car’s tires stop your train of thought. A door being open and close. Fast footsteps coming your way.

“Jaejoong..” an umbrella over your head. You would recognize that voice anywhere. Anywhere at all, “You’ll catch a cold”

Don’t hide from me, please.

You breathe in deeply. You look at the face on your left. Yunho’s face. Half of him is soaking wet from the rain, while the other half is safely under the umbrella which is used to protect you from the rain. Sure smile graces his lips.

“How-“

I’ll find you anywhere.

His fingers brush the tears away from your face. His eyes searching yours. You know he knows of it too. He cups your cheek.

I’m here, Jaejoongie.

You clench your teeth. Your tremble gets uncontrollable. Your visions get more blurry than it already is. You touch the hand that is cradling your face. You hold onto it. You lean on it.

We’re right here.

You turn to look at the car and there are three figures standing there. The three of them are soaking wet. Each face illuminates the others. Worry. Relief. Affection. They’re smiling. At you.

We love you.

Your chest feels strangely lighter. The problems that have been bothering you to the point of robbing you of your sanity seem insignificant. Despite the tears, you can clearly see your path ahead of you. The future of anew.

“I love you too,”

Because they’re with you.

Well, that's that, folks!
xD

Eternal Memory

by farah_prong @yahoo.com.my

Hiya...

It has been a long time since I wrote my last poem in the blog. This morning, sudden ispiration comes to me.

Eternal Memory

The dropping and tinkling of rain
soft sweet moan of wind
the bed sighed and squeaked
it creaked with light sound of pleasure

Memories played like a musical lit
of sounds
vibrant colours
deep emotions running high

You in my mind
a memory that never fades
bittersweet roughness of thoughts
tears and smiles in a single frame

For we are one
and we are whole
but
now you are gone
our memories I shall hold

This memory is my keepsake
my fountain of love
eternal it will
forever it remains

P/S: yes I know, difficult to understand and bla, bla, bla...But I guess that is what cold weather and ever so silent room will do to you. It will make you emotional and delirious thinking bout new ideas. haha

Okay...

That's it for now.

See you when we'll see you.

Bambi's missing

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Just my useless attempt to write fluff fic. I don't know if its working or not. You Let me know.

This is once again written based on the band that I love. All of the characters are not mine, though the plot is. Also, this is a BB fic. If you don't like it, don't read.

[MINHO]

Bambi’s missing

Changmin stares at the lonely figure sitting alone on the living room’s couch. The figure seems to be still awake, amidst the lateness of the night have gotten. Despite the ravenous hunger his stomach is currently experiencing, another feeling settles heavily in his chest.

Guilt.

~*~

(A few hours earlier)

“I still don’t get it why you’d do such thing” Junsu complained. He exchanged a look with Yoochun beside him and Jaejoong who was reading Naruto comfortably on Changmin’s bed just beside Yunho’s. Changmin ignored the comment and proceed to take Bambi out of his safe place (a.k.a. on the leader-sshi’s bed).

“It’s payback time” he growled darkly.

“Why?”

Changmin sighed heavily in frustration, “He ate ALL of the kimchi Jaejoong hyung made yesterday’s evening! Until the very last prickle!”

Jaejoong and Yoochun let out an identical snort while Junsu stared. Always, it really isn’t hard to figure why people calls Changmin a legendary food monster. His stomach is just… legendary.

“It’s just kimchi, Changmin. Besides, you just had 2 boxes of pizzas all by yourself. I’ll make you another bowlful. No need to drown Bambi in the washing machine. Yunho won’t be able to get some sleep tonight,” Junsu tried to reason with the youngest.

“Your kimchi’s not as good as Jaejoong hyung’s, although I’ll take your offer just fine. AND that is precisely my point. So our leader won’t get a good night sleep. I slept at FOUR out of hunger when he finished the food,” he stormed out of the room, choking Bambi’s neck along the way.

“Poor Yunho~” Jaejoong said in a sing song voice. Junsu smacked his head with the comic in his hands.

~*~

Changmin ignores his growling stomach and made his way towards the leader.

“Hyung,” Yunho turned to look at him. And immediately, an adorable pout graces the older man's lips. Changmin can’t believe that this is the person fans claim to be the manliest of them all. If manly refers to the fact that a grown male sleeps with his plushie deer, that is.

“Changmin ah~ I can’t sleep,” chin on his knees. Cute. This is another point that Changmin find it hard to believe about their leader. How can such simple act makes his heart flutter to no end?

“I can figure that out as much,” Changmin averted his eyes from Yunho’s stare, “I’m sorry,”

Yunho frowned, “Why?”

“IamtheonewhothrowsBambiintothewashingmachine,” the magnae looks at his feet, “and make you can’t sleep tonight. I’m sorry. I was just too hungry to think stra-“ a pair of lips claim his own.

His eyes widened.

It was just a peck, but it turns Changmin’s neck and ears tomato red. Yunho looks at him with his smoldering eyes.

“Who says it’s only Bambi that I need to help me get a good night sleep?”

That put Changmin’s stomach to a silent mode.

Not his heart, though..

That's that, folks!

xD

1st Day Pose

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaa!

Well, today is the first day of fasting or 'pose' and now is 11.46 a.m. and I am already hungry. My stomach is rumbling, churning, making gong-like-sound-and-doing-the-crazy-dance and I am this close of forgetting that today I am fasting and nearly opened the fridge in search of food.

Haih...

I don't know that I will be tempted like this. First day is hard...

What I looked like now

Dear Allah...Guide my through the day without vain and temptation. Amin...

Hehe...

That's it for now.

See you when we'll see you!

Happy First Day of Fasting!

Brethen forever

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Aw~
Thanks, Farah! That's so sweet of you!
=D

Aight, about this time's post. It's a story.
I love DBSK and I decided to write something about them. It's nothing serious. No smut or anything (eheh..) just something about when they won the awards at the Golden Disk. It really is a prestigious ceremony and they did win the most outstanding award of the night. Although I'm taking one of the member's P.O.V as a narrator, I know it's no where near perfect. I mean how can one knows what others' are thinking? Especially since I've never even spoken to him (I wish!). But I hope I was able to capture just a tiny piece of the precious moment. p/s: I did watch the video of this moment, by the way.

...........................

“Dong Bang Shin Ki!”

Your prayer is answered. You burrow your face in your own clenched hands; lost in the overwhelming feeling of victory. The next thing that you notice is Jaejoong’s hand on your back. In a briefest second, you catch his eyes and he has this sort of smile in it which is exactly the same smile he wore for you and the members when you felt like everything else was crashing down and everything else turned against you. He has that ability in him that has always been able to lift you.

Then you turn to those around.

Numerous hands try to reach you; to hug, to hold, to shake, to pat. You don’t keep track. You could no longer distinguish whose voice is congratulating, wishing you the best, adoring you. Your fellow artists, composers, staffs, and most importantly, your beloved Cassiopeias; screaming and shouting you and your members’ name from afar. You could even swear that you hear half of them cried. Happy tears, you sincerely hope so and you find yourself wishing them every happiness in the world and if there is any way, any way at all that you could give every single one of them a bear hug you always gave your members. If it could somehow repay everything that they have done for Dong Bang Shin Ki, you would do it. But you also know that it would be impossible so you find yourself taking a vow to always do your best in everything you attempt in. Singing. Dancing. All for your Cassiopeias.

The walk to the stage seems so many miles away.

The legs that you have been standing on, dancing on almost all your life feel weak all of a sudden. Seems like even your lungs were out of breath now. Forcing more air into them, you try to control your breathing. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. The medal around your neck and trophy in Changmin’s hold, the speech that you are trying to deliver seems incoherent. There are so many people that you wanted thank and express your appreciation to but you are only given 3 minutes to do so. You thought that it was so unfair! You don’t think even a day would be enough if you were to say the names of these people. Numerous faces come to your mind and 5 years of hard work, fatigue, tears, joy; you remember during when you had to start over and the hardships of those days and all of it are finally repaid during this one night. Of course, you would wish for greater achievement in the future, but for now, this is enough. The most prestigious award in Korea goes to you. 1 year and 7 months of insecurities vanishes upon this one night and that is all that matters.

But you couldn’t hold it anymore.

YOOCHUN

You gritted your teeth and then Yoochun stand in your place to continue from where you have left. He speaks with confidence and sureness, although there is a hint of fresh tears in his eyes but he no longer is the one you always have to console like the situation in a few years back. Your heart swells with pride.

CHANGMIN

You take a step back and look to your right. The first thing you see was Changmin looking at Jaejoong who is standing on his right as if to make sure if the oldest is fine. The magnae notices you looking and give a curt nod. You feel like smiling when you think about how concern he is towards his hyungs including you. Really, if you are to have a brother, it is someone like Changmin that you want to be beside you.

JAEJOONG

You turned to Jaejoong; just beside the magnae and he immediately felt your stare. His lips stretch the same smile he gives to you earlier and just like before, you feel assured. “Everything is all right,” say his eyes. You give him a small smile and nod.

JUNSU

Turning to the one member at the farthest right, the feeling you had when you heard the fans cried for you was back. You just want to give him an embrace, pat his back and tell him that you have his back. But watching his solemn face, you know you needn’t have to. Junsu is strong in his own way; you registered that fact long ago.

Suddenly the feeling of pride overwhelms you. These are the members that have gone through thick and thin with you. No matter how thorny the paths are they have been on in just like you. No matter how down you are, they have their feelings of down as well. They have cried, they have laughed, and everything was done with you. The five of you. Jaejoong once said that Dong Bang Shin Ki is only known when there are the five of you and he was absolutely right. Even when there is a member missing, it feels incomplete.

So you end your resumed speech, bow respectively to the audiences and grab each and every one of your members and HUG them. Eyes closed, foreheads touching, hands tangled together, your tears are drown in their smiles.

“We did it,”

..................

Well, that's it. I really feel strongly about writing this. Especially these days when they are struggling with their case with SME. They really are talented and I'm not being a bias. The boys deserve much better.

Ok, that's that!
xD