by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my
Hiyaaa...
I'm having headache right now. Let me start rambling about my current situation. It is funny what fasting can do to you. I mean, not fasting in general, it is more like what hunger can do to you. I think I am more sensitive when I am hungry and I tend to get emotional in this kind of situation.
You see, when you have seven siblings, it is hard to get the same unconditional and undivided love from your parents. Although of course, parents will never say that they are being unfair. They will say that all of their children get the same attention and love, there will be no bias or favouritism but all in all, I think it is a lie. Even we ourselves tend to get choosy and we will favour one person more than the other. You know that you are being unfair but you can't help it. It just happens.
Anyway, in a big family situation where everyone is fighting for more attention and love, it is difficult to get notice sometimes. You will feel like you are left-out and sometimes you could even come to the conclusion that maybe you are not really your mum and dad's flesh. You might be adopted and somewhere in your mind, you think that your real family is out there looking for you. I know I did think like that when I was small. I was so convinced about it since I am the darkest one in the family with straight hair and boyish features. I do not think that I fit in my family because they are all fair and have curly-ish hair.
Well, (okay...I am getting there) today I felt a pang of sadness. I think this is a childish behaviour and I will be okay afterwards but now, I am sad. When I am sad, my brain will start to hurt a lot and this led to me being tension. My mum was joking. I know she did (I hope...) when I told her that I still haven't buy my baju raya and guess what she said?
'Padan muka.'
How on earth can you say that?
Wow.
Looking at that phrase makes me wanna cry...
Okay...
Signing out for now.
See you when we'll see you.
