Well, today is the first day of fasting or 'pose' and now is 11.46 a.m. and I am already hungry. My stomach is rumbling, churning, making gong-like-sound-and-doing-the-crazy-dance and I am this close of forgetting that today I am fasting and nearly opened the fridge in search of food.
Haih...
I don't know that I will be tempted like this. First day is hard...
What I looked like now
Dear Allah...Guide my through the day without vain and temptation. Amin...
Aight, about this time's post. It's a story.
I love DBSK and I decided to write something about them. It's nothing serious. No smut or anything (eheh..) just something about when they won the awards at the Golden Disk. It really is a prestigious ceremony and they did win the most outstanding award of the night. Although I'm taking one of the member's P.O.V as a narrator, I know it's no where near perfect. I mean how can one knows what others' are thinking? Especially since I've never even spoken to him (I wish!). But I hope I was able to capture just a tiny piece of the precious moment. p/s: I did watch the video of this moment, by the way.
...........................
“Dong Bang Shin Ki!”
Your prayer is answered. You burrow your face in your own clenched hands; lost in the overwhelming feeling of victory. The next thing that you notice is Jaejoong’s hand on your back. In a briefest second, you catch his eyes and he has this sort of smile in it which is exactly the same smile he wore for you and the members when you felt like everything else was crashing down and everything else turned against you. He has that ability in him that has always been able to lift you.
Then you turn to those around.
Numerous hands try to reach you; to hug, to hold, to shake, to pat. You don’t keep track. You could no longer distinguish whose voice is congratulating, wishing you the best, adoring you. Your fellow artists, composers, staffs, and most importantly, your beloved Cassiopeias; screaming and shouting you and your members’ name from afar. You could even swear that you hear half of them cried. Happy tears, you sincerely hope so and you find yourself wishing them every happiness in the world and if there is any way, any way at all that you could give every single one of them a bear hug you always gave your members. If it could somehow repay everything that they have done for Dong Bang Shin Ki, you would do it. But you also know that it would be impossible so you find yourself taking a vow to always do your best in everything you attempt in. Singing. Dancing. All for your Cassiopeias.
The walk to the stage seems so many miles away.
The legs that you have been standing on, dancing on almost all your life feel weak all of a sudden. Seems like even your lungs were out of breath now. Forcing more air into them, you try to control your breathing. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. The medal around your neck and trophy in Changmin’s hold, the speech that you are trying to deliver seems incoherent. There are so many people that you wanted thank and express your appreciation to but you are only given 3 minutes to do so. You thought that it was so unfair! You don’t think even a day would be enough if you were to say the names of these people. Numerous faces come to your mind and 5 years of hard work, fatigue, tears, joy; you remember during when you had to start over and the hardships of those days and all of it are finally repaid during this one night. Of course, you would wish for greater achievement in the future, but for now, this is enough. The most prestigious award in Korea goes to you. 1 year and 7 months of insecurities vanishes upon this one night and that is all that matters.
But you couldn’t hold it anymore.
YOOCHUN
You gritted your teeth and then Yoochun stand in your place to continue from where you have left. He speaks with confidence and sureness, although there is a hint of fresh tears in his eyes but he no longer is the one you always have to console like the situation in a few years back. Your heart swells with pride.
CHANGMIN
You take a step back and look to your right. The first thing you see was Changmin looking at Jaejoong who is standing on his right as if to make sure if the oldest is fine. The magnae notices you looking and give a curt nod. You feel like smiling when you think about how concern he is towards his hyungs including you. Really, if you are to have a brother, it is someone like Changmin that you want to be beside you.
JAEJOONG
You turned to Jaejoong; just beside the magnae and he immediately felt your stare. His lips stretch the same smile he gives to you earlier and just like before, you feel assured. “Everything is all right,” say his eyes. You give him a small smile and nod.
JUNSU
Turning to the one member at the farthest right, the feeling you had when you heard the fans cried for you was back. You just want to give him an embrace, pat his back and tell him that you have his back. But watching his solemn face, you know you needn’t have to. Junsu is strong in his own way; you registered that fact long ago.
Suddenly the feeling of pride overwhelms you. These are the members that have gone through thick and thin with you. No matter how thorny the paths are they have been on in just like you. No matter how down you are, they have their feelings of down as well. They have cried, they have laughed, and everything was done with you. The five of you. Jaejoong once said that Dong Bang Shin Ki is only known when there are the five of you and he was absolutely right. Even when there is a member missing, it feels incomplete.
So you end your resumed speech, bow respectively to the audiences and grab each and every one of your members and HUG them. Eyes closed, foreheads touching, hands tangled together, your tears are drown in their smiles.
“We did it,”
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Well, that's it. I really feel strongly about writing this. Especially these days when they are struggling with their case with SME. They really are talented and I'm not being a bias. The boys deserve much better.
Sorry because I never updated the blog anymore. I don't know. USM is quite hectic. I have free time but somehow, I just never have the 'itch' to update the blog. Oh yes,
"FELIZ CUMPLEANOS A'AN!". It is in Spanish, and it means Happy Birthday. Since I am learning that language, so why x use it eh?hehe
Today's post.
I never wear contact lenses.As the matter in fact, I don't like touching my eyes. But now, I would like to try one. I actually bought 2 pair of contact lenses. One is in green and another is brown. Very brave colour for first attempt eh? Anyway, I have tried it on and it is perfect! haha...
I'm having green eyes as I am writing this blog. Love that colour a lot.
Exactly that, it was deafening. The first time when it happened. Sounds of bus tires screeching, engine rolling of the bus that you were about to board; Transnational Express, puffy smoke from the bus itself or from the passersby; dying themselves out with a heave or two of Dunhill. Probably even Pallmall and Winston. The air was stiffly hot, what with the heat from the busses or from the fact that you were standing on the ground floor of a bus station. Stuck there and no other ways to escape since you have to get on the bus by 8.30 or you’ll have to face dad soon. The atmosphere was really making you dizzy by the second. Wrinkling your nose, and that was when you turn to him.
Him.
You stared at him, admittedly, greedily, drinking the sight that you missed the most 24/7 since you both first declared. Seriously. You missed him day and night and the fact that both of you live 223 km apart didn’t help at all. One a city savvy and the other a plain country being through and through. Not exactly a good match, now that you think about it, but during that time, it simply didn’t matter. Everything else didn’t matter. The actuality that you lied to your parents just to see him didn’t matter. The fact that you nearly caused your friend difficulties with your parents since you asked her to tell them dishonesty didn’t matter because you just had to see him. Problems that will arise, you’ll deal with it only when it comes under your nose, and since that is your motto anyway. Whatever happens will happen and you just have to deal with it one by one. A good motto, you always thought, but could only be applied with certain standards, it seems.
He was watching elsewhere when you were staring and you always thought how lucky you are to have him. Your first love. Since you were eleven. But it wasn’t long for you two to fully realize your feeling towards each other during that time because you moved to other state. And fate pulls its thread one day and after 8 years of broken hope and silence, he contacted you again.
You were friends. Good friends who messaged each other every day. YM-ing, MMS-ing, and phone calls were also standard acts of you two. It was fun and you HAD a lot of fun. He was funny whilst he could also be serious at the same time. He was very charming and before you knew it, he already charmed your heart for the second time in 8 years of your life. So how could you refuse when he asked for your heart the day the first time both of you met after such a long time? First look at him and you went all weak-knee. There was nothing else to do or say, even, except for the simple ‘Yes’; although you asked him to give you 2 days to think it over (when honestly, you could just say yes on the spot, really. There was nothing to think over; as head over heels fallen as you).
So there you go. Both of you had gone through a complete circle. Today was only your second date with him after 3 months of being together. You understood him, you really did. Both of you were at the tertiary level education. Assignments, projects and tutorials were a must thus explained of why you could never see each other at a weekly or even monthly basis. And here you were with him.
Today was fun and romantic. He took you to the waterfalls. Both of you took a bath in the river. He also cooked a barbeque for you. And that was it. Time flees so fast and before you know it, it was time to say goodbye. The bus’s door bust opened and you quickly took your ticket out to go on board.
He turned to you. And the smoldering look that he gave suggested that he was as reluctant to say goodbye as you were.
“I’m gonna miss you,” he said. And you, being the frail being that you are, felt like your legs had been turned into marshmallow.
“I’ll miss you too,” you managed to let out in between frantic heartbeats and incoherent breathings. He took your right hand and you knew that he would do it even before he did it.
He kissed your hand.
You smiled even when your heart felt like it was about to burst. Tears were already a pool in your eyes and you tried your best not to let them fall. You refused to let go of his hand; the one that holding yours and you started to think of any way, any way at all that you could simply postpone your bus ride to tomorrow. You really wanted to spend your time with him. You really, really did.
You looked down to hide your eyes and your left hand was clenching your bag until it felt like it had turned white already.
And then, suddenly…
You were in his arms.
You didn’t even have time to blink. One minute you were looking down and the next second you were overlooking from the right plane of his wide shoulder.
3 seconds, and that was all it took.
And through those 3 seconds, various images flashed through your eyes. You and him when you were both eleven, how it felt like when you moved away, how it felt like these 8 years of nothingness, him when you both met again after 8 years, him asking for your heart. And you could feel that, during that moment, even if he asked you to marry him at that very time and minute, you would even say yes. You could see the whole future ahead of you with him and him only. Nobody else 's could ever interfere, for it was just the both of you. Forever.
How very wrong you were.
...
Thoughts: Do you think it's possible to hate someone of whom you feel that you really can't live without? That is exactly how I feel about someone. I truly hate ... sometimes, but at times, I realize that without ... , I really won't have the courage to carry on. Especially at this stage of my life.
