Crayzee Writers

shut up, you bitch!

2010-07-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

note: this is inspired but a DBSK Prompt Generator. written in a span of 15 minutes and an utter rubbish.. ;__;

They were both just came in from the door. A slam could be heard as soon as the key was done being unlocked. A song could be heard blasted through the television as 9 girls could be seen dancing with annoying cheekiness on the screen, but even that could not smother the sound of two people screaming their lungs out.

“it was just a drink, Yunho-ah!” Jaejoong yelled, his eyes flared.

“a drink? A DRINK?!” Yunho yelled back, if possible even louder, “He was a fucking stranger, Jaejoong!”

You're so so handsome
My eyes my eyes are blinded
I can't breathe because I'm trembling

“so what? It was nothing, and you know it!”

“it was NOT nothing and YOU should know it!”

Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

“what the hell is this?,” Jaejoong question disbelievingly, “a drink by a stranger is NORMAL in a bar, you fucking naive!”

“it’s NOT normal when IT’S YOU, darn it!” Yunho answered angrily back. He threw the house key to the wall; emphasizing his words.

Oh I feel so embarrassed
I can't look at you
I feel shy because I've fallen in love

“oh i know!” Jaejoong points an accusing finger towards him, “you’re fucking jeal-“

“don’t you dare tell me i’m jealous!” Yunho’s eyes looked livid.

Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

“well, you are!”

“i’m NOT!”

(What should I do~) What should I do?
(My trembling heart) About my trembling heart
(Thump thump thump thump) My heart kept thumping, So I couldn't fall asleep at night

“then why are you getting SO worked up-“

“what if he slipped DRUGS in your drink?! what if he slipped POISON in your drink?! You might want to remember you’re a fucking CELEBRITY-“

I guess I guess I'm a fool
A fool that knows you, only you
Yes, as I look at you~~

“it’s my LIFE, damn it!”

“you selfish bastard..” Yunho growled, “i CARE about you, you idiot! You! i nearly DIE of worry! What part of it is SO DAMN HARD for you to get it?!”

So bright so bright My eyes are blinded no no no no no
So surprised surprised I'm shocked oh oh oh oh oh
So tingly tingly my body is trembling gee gee gee gee gee
Oh glittering eyes (oh yeah~) Oh sweet aroma (oh yeah yeah yeah~)

Jaejoong didn’t come back with a retort which abruptly stopped Yunho pacing in his track. His heart thumped uneasily. Gulping, he risked a glance at the other guy and immediately diverting his eyes towards the sofa. Jaejoong was staring at him, a tender look in his eyes.

“you were?” he asked softly.

Oh so so pretty
Your heart is so pretty
I was captured from first glance, caught so closely
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

“y.. yes i was,” Yunho mumbled, his eyes concentrating hard at the littlest bit of thread hanging by the couch’s arm. Through his peripheral vision, he could see Jaejoong walked closer. He willed his heart to calm down.

I can't touch it because it's so hot
I'm engulfed by love's fire completely
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby
Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

“i’m sorry i yelled at you,” Jaejoong whispers. His voice a velvet against Yunho’s ears. When had he moved closer, again? Yunho heaved a sharp intake of breath.

(What should I do) What should I do
(because I'm so shy) because I'm so shy
(No no no no no) I don't know why but every day I long for only you

“i.. i’m sorry too. I’m sorry i doubt you,” as soon as he said this, Yunho felt, rather than saw Jaejoong smiled. It made his heart soared, for some reason.

My close friends tell me
That I'm really a helpless fool
But as I look at you~~

So bright so bright My eyes are blinded no no no no no
So surprised surprised I'm shocked oh oh oh oh oh
So tingly tingly my body is trembling gee gee gee gee gee
Oh your glittering eyes (oh yeah~) Oh this sweet aroma (oh yeah yeah yeah~)

And suddenly the magic vanished, broken by their own yell.

“SHUT UP YOU BITCH!”

To the television.

Not Mine To Have 2

2010-07-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Well, A'an...This is the continuation of the story...

~*~

‘Yunho-sshi…’

Shit. When did he come here?

‘Ah…manager-san,’ I faked a smile and watch Changmin observing me at the corner of my eyes.

I guess that the manager noticed my action towards Changmin is a little bit different lately. Each touches lingers a little more than usual, each look casted upon his face is a bit too needy and lustful and each time I heard someone mentioning his name, a smile creeps at the corner of my lips. It is all too obvious but I guess I just can’t stop myself. It is as if my body has a mind of its own.

The manager didn’t stay for too long. He just wanted to discuss about Changmin’s activity after Paradise Ranch and the fan-meeting at Japan was mentioned too. Why he called my name? Well, maybe to wake me up from my day-dreaming I guess.

Sure, he still contacted HIM although we no longer stay together. I guess he wanted to cheer HIM up. Well, he should cheer ME up. I am down too. I am hurt too. I have to carry the entire burden, all the dead-man’s weight. I have to do it all. So why not me that is getting the comfort? This is not fair. Gritting my teeth, I walked to the room and close it. Trying to sleep is hard lately but I forced my eyes shut anyway. I need to gain control of my body back.

Late at night, I heard creaking of the door being opened and soft, cautious step on the floorboard; approaching me. The side of the bed dipped a bit but I maintained my mouth-hanging-sleeping-position. I heard him drawing his breath, and I felt those soft, long fingers slid under my blanket, caressing me carefully; making me all hot and bothered. His hand goes lower and lower and finally, he found it…

My hand, my bruised hand.

Slowly, he lifted my hand and holds it gently. Then I felt something hot trickling down my hand. His tears… It took me all the power and will to lay still and not stand up, hug and kissed him soundly. Why is he torturing me like this? The gentle kiss that he placed on the battered hand makes me wanna love him forever. I want to protect him, make him be like what he used to be. I want to see him with his mismatched eyes and his unstoppable laughter. I want my Changmin back. But I do not want to scare him away with my love. The last time I hugged him was because I can’t stand to see him crying last Christmas because he missed them too much.

He finally finished putting ointments on my wound. I expected to hear him closing back the door and walking out from the room so I turned around, trying to bury my head in the pillow so I won’t hear him leaving. But then the bed dipped further and I felt him sliding underneath the blanket; feeling him inching over me and his hot breath behind my back. Then his fingers briefly locked in mine before moving to my chest, hugging me closer to him. I turned swiftly, surprised…

His eyes looked big and starry in the dark room. He inches closer and I can see the lustrous, thick lashes before me.

‘But Jaejoong…’

‘Sshhh…’

~*~

hearts unforgiven

2010-07-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

"i'm sorry.." you said, biting your lips. the other's obvious shock, startled expression so clear in your vision, so achingly painful to look at. it's like clouds are hovering in front of that face, making it so dark, so... unlike him, you think, already missing the mismatch eyes and you know you wont see them soon, not where you are concerned anyway.

"i understand," he said, but you want to scream no, you dont! because you dont understand yourself at all; why the rejection flows from your mouth. it feels like a thousand knives are piercing your body, your heart. your eyes feel like there are sands in them and you blink once, avoiding that handsome face, "i'll... see you around then, hyung," and he just walk away, and all you want to do is yank that arms back and envelope them with your own. but you know you couldn't. you couldn't when you are the leader like this, when they're in the midst of their suspension like this, when the management's at their tails like this and most of all, when they in a society like this.

they wouldn't understand, Min-ah.

"i'm sorry," he said, with eyes so sincere you feel your heart crushed into a million pieces, literally. like a fragile glass structure you saw in one of the antique store being thrown to the wall. crushed. you saw the expression on his face flicker and you tried to control your own expression. tears, please dont fall, not now you murmur to yourself, to your self control. when in truth, you want to do nothing except that. so you just say:

"i understand," although truthfully, you dont because seeing how they have always been together and happy for the last 10 months or so, your desired ending should be expected, but no. the reason why you sticks to him and defy the other three, it's that ending that plays an important part in your stance. the constant touches and whispers and accidental kisses mean nothing to him then. a mere wishful thinking, it seems now, "i'll see you around then, hyung," and you walk away. fast. in your peripheral vision you notice him half-reaching out towards you, his expression screams guilt all over it and you dont want guilt, you want something else entirely. so you run, run, run, leaving it all behind. including your heart.

goodbye, Yunho-ah.

Not Mine To Have

2010-07-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

As the jets of hot water run down my body, my mind is finally at ease. There is still a hole in my heart; growing. It is still a dark place where only emptiness is felt and the burden is increasing. Well, at least this hot bath is comforting; for a while. I run my finger at the bathroom wall as hot air filled the bathroom. Absent minded; I wrote something on the wall and only realised what I wrote after a while. There on the wall is countless words that only makes my heart aches more.

Changmin.

Clearing my head, I wiped off the name that I cannot have.

Recent events make my world in turmoil. I feel like I am hanging by a thread, waiting for the last string to be cut away from me. My head feels like they are about to explode. I am tired beyond compare and I hate myself for being helpless and for even being here; in this aggrieved body that nobody can see. For fans, I show my tough side, my cool exterior but nobody knows how deeply I am wounded now. One by one, the incidents that happen pull me in deeper in the pitch black and frankly, I am quite happy there cause there, I can finally stop smiling at people; showing this happy face like a puppet controlled by his master. There, I can succumb to my emotion, scream like I want to but with no ending. Hitting the wall as hard as I can, expecting the sharp pain to come but all that I can feel is the numbed feeling that my heart is experiencing now.

Wiping my body with the towel, I noticed that the blood is still trickling, the knuckle is bruised. Changmin will surely ask questions about this and he won’t stop until he knows what is bothering me. Well, I let him think that he know, lying about stupid things that makes me irritated; like fans keep on shoving their camera at my face whenever I go and the hectic schedule and such. At least he is satisfied with the answer for a while. I know that he know that I am lying but at least he won’t pester me with his never-ending question. My cute and sweet maknae is growing up. MY maknae; can I call him that? Will he ever be MINE without being HIS? All these questions pondering in my brain… all the unanswered questions…

I finally heaved my body out from the bathroom and I noticed the light in his room is on. I can hear laughter, giggling from outside. He is talking to HIM again. Why HIM? Why can’t it be me that is he is laughing with? Everybody knows that they bicker too often. HE is always pushing and bullying MY maknae. Now, I just want to rip his door, take that phone and smash it to bits. The monster in me purrs suggestively to that thought. However, patting the monster in me to its slumber, I proceed to my room.

I was about to open the door to my room as I sigh at my irrational temper and the uncontrollable jealousy that burns in me when I heard the creaking of the door next to me.

‘What happened to your hand?’ asked the tall fellow; looking worried and examining my hand.

‘Nothing. I…just…nothing,’ and I patted that head slowly, feeling that silken hair under my fingers.

‘Yunho-sshi…’

a melancholy

2010-07-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

She grumbles in her wake. She dont understand why the internet’s decided to hold a rampange against her NOW of all times. This is such a critical moment!! She has just found an AMAZING author of DBSK fan fiction over the net and is just done reading ONE of her fan fiction when she still have about 100 or so more.. and the link to chapter two is STILL directed to offline notification page. GAH! And the YOUTUBE!! She’s just been waiting for the video of DBSK’s Bonjour Paris photobook finished embedding (her internet’s THAT slow, believe me) and now... AND NOW!!! My GOD! Why now??

WHY NOW? Grrr

But thinking things rationally, she thinks this doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s just tonight that the line’s not working. She’s been on to search for these things since 9 in the morning after all and it’s already.. ah, 1.40 in the morning.. so she carefully mem’ing the sites that are already opened, and decides to take things slow.. closing the broadband for a whole (it’s HOT).. and watches the Bonjour Paris part 1, 7 and 3 (bless the uploaders) that’s already finished buffering..

These are her spazzes:

[PART 1]

Jaejoong attemping the mission is hella adorable!

[PART 3]

Changmin: because im.. important.. *walks away*
me: *cracks up*
I LOVE YOU, MINNIE, I REALLY DO =,D

[PART 7]

When the cameraman called Yoocun, "Micky..!" and he answered "Yea?" my heart just skipped a beat.. i dunno why.. O__o lol

Then she decides to try onlining again. Hopefully, the broadband’s cool enough to be functioning properly. It’s WAY past curfew, but damn it, who cares.

Oh... the line’s BACK!!

Oh, oh! The Bonjour Paris!!

Oh.. but the fanfictions!! Yes!!

Then it settles in her. Why not Bonjour Paris first? By all means, THAT is the first thing she should be excited about; watching them together. Videos of them laughing, singing, TOGETHER. But why does she diverts to fan fiction first than watching those videos? The videos are LIVE. The fan fictions are MADE. But why fanfiction?

Then it occurs to her. She’s been trying to live in the safe haven that is the fan fictions. They seems so happy in there, so REAL and REALISTIC and so much like what her imagination has been trying to picture for her in this 10 months of HELL.

Its bittersweet, watching those videos and she doesnt want the “bitter” along with her “sweet”. She doesn’t want videos when it reminds her so much of things that could-have-been. The fanfictions are written with hopes and visions of what the boys might be going through. Like how Yunho would try contacting Jaejoong even when the management’s on his and Changmin’s tails, how Junsu would whine to Changmin through his email by saying how he misses the other’s teases, how Yunho would somehow find a way to Yoochun’s and clears of his doubts.. and these are the things that she want. She HOPES.

But seeing things as they are now.. what’s with the 5 of them doing their solo activities.. her heart clenches. It’s their right, she knows. It’s not as easy as it seems, she KNOWS. But..

JaeChun’s message:

Always Keep the Faith.

JaeChun’s tattoo:

Hope to the End.

She closes her windows, and logs off the computer.

Memories of Past Days

2010-07-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Click. The sound of the door being unlocked. I look at the shadow in the dark, the silhouette of his body. Softly I whispered; my voice croaked,

‘You’re back. How was your day?’

That shadow seemed startled. Then lights blinded me.

‘Why are you sitting in the dark?’

When I didn’t answer, he sighed and replied, ‘It is fine. How are yours? You know, something funny happened today…’ and he began to talk but I didn’t hear anything.

I was busy scanning his face, looking for signs. Yes, he is radiating with warmth and he looked just fine. He talk and laugh like normal but his smile is fake. Yes, I do know that and it hurts me to see him like that. He can fool everyone with that smile of his, but not me. I’ve known him long enough to see through him. But most of all, the thing that hurt me the most is his eyes. They are grave and dead. There are no more laughter in it. it is just like black hole, just orbs staring back at you with nothing to share. The dead, empty eyes that stares right back at you.

‘I’m going to bed. See you in the morning,’ he waved and went inside his room. Silence creeps in the living room and I just sit there on the sofa, unmoving. ‘Oh, switch off the lamp before you go to bed will ya?’ he yelled from his bedroom. I turned back to face the blank TV. The room is dead silence, only the whirring of the fan blade can be heard.

Hugging my leg, I feel the same sadness that live in the house. The air is sometimes un-breathable; it chokes and suffocate; killing me inside. I carry the same ache for months now. My chest feels heavy and holey. It feels cold and bitter. I feel as if I am here but I am really not here. My body is here but my mind and heart is no longer in me. It is as if I died inside. My body is just an empty vessel with no owner.

The soft tinkling tinsel suddenly caught my eyes and I slowly turned my head at the Christmas tree that we decorated long ago. I hear the ghostly laugh of us, the teasing and the jokes and my head hurts. I hear the promises that we made, the pain that we have, the decision that we need to take. I gripped my chest. It hurts too much.

‘Make it stop. Please stop,’ I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

‘Don’t worry. It will be over soon. I will bring our laughter back in the house, Minnie,’ and that warm, huge body hug me from behind; washing my pain with his beautiful soothing words as leader.

This is just a random thoughts.

Cassiopeia's faith

2010-06-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

there's this one star constellation named Cassiopeia. now, to others, it might not bear any significant meaning (except, perhaps to those who study greek mythology and astrology), but to 3 - 5 million or so fans out there (no kidding), it bears the meaning of pride, talents, greatness, togetherness, faith, brotherhood and sisterhood alike, and a strong bond. its a safe haven to these people and the embrace to return to to the 5 men; whose existence is the core to all of this: to the 4 millions or so people out there, to this faith, this togetherness, this BOND to harvest firsthand.

now whats the reason for me to ramble these? *chuckles* well, its because i FREAKING SAW THE CASSIOPEIA THE OTHER DAY!! lol..

it's too bad i didnt bring a camera with me.. T___T the night was awesome. i was having this camping thing. and we were in the middle of our activity (night-walking, obviously) and i got distracted by the hundreds millions of stars on the sky. oh my GOD.. there were so many of them. while i was amazed at them, my eyes caught this one star constellation near the horizon, and tadaa!! CASSIOPEIA!! XDDDDD the first time i saw it, i couldnt stop smiling! i cant believe i could finally see it! it was huge! and surprisingly, easily recognized. i cant believe i didnt see it before that day! so naturally, i was mesmerized.

our night activity continued until about 5.30 in the morning, and when it was nearing 5, i saw 2 shooting stars! my GOD! it's been, what? 5 years since i last saw one? XDDDD and people often associating a shooting star to a desired wish and i thought; GOD, please take care of my family (the first shooting star) and GOD, please let "them" be together again (the second shooting star). it really was a spur-of-the-moment thing. the wish came out without me really thinking about it.. lol..

and while im at it, im gonna say here, im not gonna stop keeping the faith. although the chance of them going back together is as thin as a veil now; what with the 3 of them signing a new contract with an american producer and the other 2 keeping their silences (there's more than this, but im not gonna elaborate) i dunno. despite everything (and anything, really) i'll keep my faith. even if im last one keeping it, still, im gonna keep it, as irrational as it may seems. i just cannot see the 3 without the shadow of the other two on their right side. its where they belong. the JYJ concert in DOME recently is the prove. they're so successful (a staggering 46000 audiences!) but the stage seems too big.. the harmonizations seems messed up (though some people might argue this with me. this is how i hear it, so no offense intented) the PERFORMANCES SEEM INCOMPLETE AND THEY SEEM MISERABLE. enough said. i'll support them, i really will. i'll watch Changmin's drama, i'll see Yunho's musical, and i'll anticipate what Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu will come up with, but its with the bittersweet feeling inside of me whilst me thinking, "I want them 5. not like this,"

i'll always keep the faith..

Hurt Me Like Red Ocean

2010-06-07T23:55:00.001-07:00

farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hi…

Wow. It has been a long time since I updated this blog. Sorry A’an. I know that you have many things to say and write. I am so sorry for not doing my part.

I want to talk about my favourite group, DBSK/TVXQ. I know that there are some that will simply close this blog because of our obsession but I do not mind.

Well, many Cassie are aware of JYJ Thanksgiving Live in Dome last few days. Well, to be honest, I cannot watch the performance just yet. Not yet because it pained me to see that concert. I know and I am happy for them to be having the concert and please the awaiting fans and I am really happy that the concert went well. However, I do not know why, but it kinda broke my heart to see even the title of the concert. I know, I am being extreme but I just can’t. Maybe for me it means that they are moving on. It is not that moving on is bad, but maybe for me it is not the time yet. I just can’t watch the three of them because I felt that the stage is too big just for three people to be on. Well, I am being pessimist. I know, I should be happy for them and I am. But I can’t just watch the concert. Not yet. Well, I know that if I didn’t watch it now, YT will probably remove all videos by the time that I am ready to watch it but I do not mind because it still hurts to see them apart.

I know that other Cassie are happy for the three and believe me when I say that I too, feel happy or them. Gosh, it hurts to see them being apart. That’s all. And maybe I am really sad because the last time we saw them together and happy was on that stage and it was not even a long time ago, it was just at the end of last year. So, to see just the three on the very same stage that they all dreamt to be on once upon a time is just unbearable for me. I can’t see it. It brings memories and fresh wound. Well, if I am sad, what about them? What do they feel to be back on the stage; the last performance as happy family before all the turmoil begins?

Well, I am AKTF here and I do hope that miracles do happen. But for the time being, seeing them on that stage hurts me a lot.

Okay, see you when we’ll see you.

Undisclosed Desires

2010-05-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

omo.. Farah, your writing YunJae!!!! kyaa~~~!! hehehe.. that's a first for you, right? how nice if its true.. not the non-reconcile thing, but the fact that they still contact each other despite everything..
*hugs YunJaeMinYooSu*

-----------------------------

Title: Undisclosed Desires
Pairing: YunChun
Rate: NC-17 (note: this is a yaoi fic. dont read if you dont like)

It’s lust. Nothing more.

Because the way Yunho pushes him into the matress, eyes close, sweats dripping, teeth clenches. It’s all lust. His musle ripples when he holds his leg further above for better access and when he hits there; Yoochun thinks, it’s all lust. His hands roam; touching his surface. Touching everywhere. The caresses are soft without missing the hint of urgency. The pound. The need to reach there. He just have to reach there; where they will be transferred to heaven; however brief it might be. He calls him then. Yoochun.. and whispers sweet nothings when his face is at the hollow of his neck. To smother him and Yoochun knows that it’s all lust.

So why is there a gaping hollow in his chest?

They’re friends with benefit.

Whether it is for the sake of band. Or for the sake of their situation NOW. Tangles together, sweats, come, hot breath, fucks. Yunho thinks that they’re friends with benefit. Benefit it is when he traces the line arch of Yoochun’s neck. So beautiful. So graceful. Even with the dripping sweat there. He feels like licking it, and does. Benefit it is when his hands roam throughout his whole body. Every curve, every sensitive spots without missing a beat and he feels liek smirking when he hears the moan. Yoochun’s loud during sex and he likes it. When he enters and soon finds that bundle or nerve, it’s.. unexplainable. The pleasure isi unbearable that he follows soon after; filling him. MARKING HIM.

But how could he? When they’re only friends with benefits?

They never kiss.

----------------------------------
Inspired by this fan video by kyo331@youtube. this is currently my favorite song!! XDDDDD

Missing You

2010-05-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahooo.com.my

Good for you A'an...hehe...he is worth to drool and lose blood for.

Well, today, I have a 'courage' to write a fan-fiction and after seeing and reading about the news of PC (press-conference) between HoMin and Samsung with James Cameron.

Missing You

As I peered from the curtain at the backstage, I can see that you looked so radiant and my heart aches. There is some sort of hole in them now that you are gone. I can't talk to you the way I used to and seeing you with him makes it even harder for me. I guess jealousy is really a bitch. It eats you alive and burns you with agony. I know that we all treated him like a baby because he is our maknae but still, I do not like to see you laughing and touching him. It pains me to see you so happy. I guess that you can say that I am a bad person for wanting to see you suffer just I am now. I am bad aren't I?

You can't see my pain cause I can hide it very well. True man never cry right? Yes. I said that and I know that better. I am a good actor aren't I? I can hide it very well right? I guess that the crying can come when I act. I am glad to see that I need to cry in some of the scenes in my drama cause that is the only time I can cry publicly. You do not know that I too cry right? You never see me cry in the open like this. I want to scream, I want to cry out loud so that you know that I am suffering too. We all are.

You seemed so happy now. Your skin glows with it. Your smile; that beautiful smile with that white teeth of yours should be mine to see and have now. I guess that we need to take different and difficult path. Yunho...I miss you. I know that we will be together soon but when is soon? I am tired of waiting. You called me and asked if I could just give up and reconcile with the company but I can't. We have come to far to stop now without making it difficult for everyone. Yes, I am selfish for thinking that but why can't you join me? I always wonder that and I always wonder whether my decision to do this is ever correct. But we have taken the path. WE know what will happen and we will accept it. I miss you a lot though.

Suddenly my eyes clouded and my cheeks feel hot. Something is streaming down my face. I looked at my hand. Pearly white water is coming down...I guess that my heart is too overflowing with them so they need to come out one of these days.

'Jaejoong-ah,' pat someone from my back.
'We need to go. I think our fans spotted us,' said Yoochun.
'Yeah, we should go. Here,' Junsu handed me a Rayban so that the red-brimmed eyes can be covered up.

I take a last look at your face when you gave your speech and smile. We will be together soon and we will come through the rain. The sun will shine soon.

I know...that might not be good enough but it has been a while since I last write a ficcy. Do forgive me for that.

Okay...

See you when I'll see you.

Take care

Changmin notices him

2010-05-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Great, Farah. Congratulations. so you might want to call the hospital now since i've lost a bucket or two worth of my O plus. Aren't you glad? <__< size="1">not that i'm complaining.. *is bricked*

Su, you're growing up too fast!!! D;
-------------------------------------------------

And yosh! another ficcy~ ^^

Changmin notices him.

He notices how his face is deep in concentration, with frowns that nearly bound together. He notices how his lips twitch once in a while, probably thinking of the answers to a particularly hard question. Notices how his beautiful fingers (very beautiful he notes with slight awe) dances furiously across the answer sheets, answering questions that he, himself has already finished (he is not in the advance class for nothing), but Changmin’s contented with just that; watching his hands. He also notices his mouth; the pout which would accompany every frown that he makes. And when it comes to his mouth, Changmin cant help but to notice the small ~~love mark~~ mole above his lips which would quiver once in a while, following the earlier pout. Changmin likes to see the twinkle in his eyes, especially during when his face is basked in the morning sun (he feels like shielding his eyes for some reason). Thus it also highlights his pointy nose. His face is beautiful . He is beautiful.

Changmin is thinking of finding his tissue to nurse the drool on his mouth when his body suddenly shifts. And he turns to his right.

Changmin freezes and blushes furiously.

Yunho sees him. And smiles. That fucking white-teeth-small-eyes-and-all kind of smile.

While adverting his eyes, Changmin feels like head-desking himself (aside from feeling lightheaded and warm). Being caught staring red-handed by the subject of ~~lust~~ affection himself is not what he would call being discreet. As if he is not obvious enough, he feels Jaejoong’s kick by his chair and hears Junsu’s obnoxious fake cough just a few seats behind him. They mush have noticed his stare towards Yunho to do those, then. Changmin feels like killing himself.

Well, that, and trying to stay compose by pretending to stare at his already-completed answer sheets, searching for possible errors. He nearly jumps on his seat when a small crumpled of paper falls on his desk. He takes it, eyes widened curiously and looks around.

Yunho is grinning from ear to ear; his fingers forming he signature “peace”.

Blushing furiously (again) he opens the crumpled paper, only to find his stomach drops a few miles (if possible).

“Wanna have lunch with me after this?”

Changmin’s heart pounds erratically. He feels hot all of a sudden and already, a faint sheen of sweats form on his forehead. His gut (heart) screams at him “Yes, yes, yes!”. Thankfully, his mind still works its function. He looks sideway and finds that Yunho is still grinning at him but now there is something hopeful in his smile and eyes. Oh, gosh, it’s his heart again “YES, YES,YES!!!” and unconciously, his head moves fo form a tentative nod.

To Changmin’s great surprise (and everyone else in the classroom), Yunho stands up and punches his fist in the air: a victory.

Changmin chokes on his saliva when the teacher’s duster makes contact with Yunho’s face.

------------------------------------

Homin's my bias, so.. ^^;; *salutes*

Intoxication

2010-05-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Okay...

Warning: This blog content is and can only be understood by fangirls or TVXQ/DBSK fans. If you do not want to read drabbles and spazzing and girls screaming about boy band, get out of here okay.

For those who wants to keep reading, I need to warn you that I am in fangirl's mode. So I will be as pervert or as crazy as a fangirl can be.

You can still choose to stop reading now.

Warning Warning: Contents are rated as mature and 18SX and others.

You can stop reading now.

You can say that I am a perv or something... I don't mind (well, I do mind but not that much I guess)

Junsu's new PV (Promotional Video) is finally out. For those who do not know Junsu, well, he is one of the most talented singer in TVXQ. Not to say that others can't sing but I guess Junsu-chan is more than that to some extend. But they all are great singers and dancers.

When Junsu wants to release his single, honestly, I was not so interested. It is because I am so biased towards Yunho so I refused to look at other members in TVXQ/DBSK. Well, I guess that I can't do that anymore. That 'promise' was broken when I ogled at Jaejoong's pictures in AnAn and now drooling over Junsu's new single; Intoxication.

The PV is a crime. Junsu is a criminal. How can he be that sexy and hot? It is too hot that it bothers me a lot. And I cannot stop from replaying that video over and over again. Now looking at the lyric, my face burns with shyness. That lyric is so provocative and so is his dance but I am not complaining at all. I feel like I want more and more.

Aah~ My Junsu-chan; the angel has changed so much. Where is the cute lion-angel boy that I once knew from TVXQ/DBSK? That sexy dance...that husky sexy voice...it is driving me mad...

Okay, his video and romaji lyric.

WARNING: Will cause nosebleed and loss of blood.

Xiah Junsu - Intoxication (romaji)

uhhh, oh, all right
Baby, baby, come on come on, come on come on come on
Chiisaku furuwaseruyouni kasaneau hadaha oh baby

Yubisaki sagashiatetanoha Deep inside deep inside, deep inside crazy
Touch you baby nandomo Squeeze you baby, let me feel your madness
Stroke you like a arpeggio yeah yeah

Tell me watch you want, hey hey hey hey
Tell me, do you want me, oh no no no
You say baby now I know that you want me
Oh no iwasetaiyo baby now
Kiss and touch me, taste and touch me baby
Nugi chirakasu make love
I can touch me, keep in touch me baby
Soreha Intoxication

Yubikara karamete karadajuu made himitsuno mitsuwo mitsuketeyuku
Shitataru tsukiakari keshita shitade yureru koeni ikisou beautiful
Tell me what you want, hey hey hey hey
Tell me do you want me, oh no no no
You say baby now, I know that you want me
Oh no afuresouna baby now
Kiss and touch me, taste and touch me baby
Shitaiyouni make love
Bite and touch me, kill and touch me baby
Soreha Intoxication
Kiss and touch me, taste and touch me baby
Jirasanaide making love
I can touch me, keep in touch me baby
Hamaru Intoxication

Kotobanonai tsutaekatade kuruwasete shimaisouninaru
Mottomotto nomikomarerumade yeah

Tell me what you want, hey hey hey hey
Tell me do you want me, oh no no no
You say baby now, I know that you want me
Iwasetaiyo
Baby what you want, hey hey hey hey
Tell me do you want me, oh no no no
You say baby now, I know that you want me
Oh no afuresouna baby now
Kiss and touch me, taste and touch me baby
Shitaiyouni make love
Bite and touch me, kill and touch me baby
Mada hoshikunaru Intoxication

Kiss and touch me, taste and touch me baby
Fukaku More and more
Bite and touch me, kill and touch me baby

Source: cumiriah @ youtube & Poplez.net & soompi & tomo mama & smiley @OneTVXQ.com
Translation: smiley @ OneTVXQ.com
Special thanks: Taiyo @ OneTVXQ.com
Credits: OneTVXQ.com { One World. One Red Ocean. One TVXQ! }

See you when I'll see you!

it's been nearly a year?

2010-04-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

by: powerangers_08@yahoo.com

this blog hasnt been updated since almost a year ago. blame the busy-ness, the laziness, the weariness, the lack of ideas and whatever it is that can be blamed on. hm... since its been activated back, think i'll be less and less concerned about my own personal blog and focus on this one instead. i like it here better anyway.. ;-)

AND, posting here means more creative writing, yeah? lets see.. how about some haiku? (or whatever it is that it's called) and drabble, perhaps?

---------------------------------

HAIKU

[1]
evening wind, your trail of footprints..
orange sky, your shadow of leaving..
don't go..
note: a separation

[2]
gestures wild with delicacy..
features soft with tranquility..
a picture; idyllic, without meant for traceability..
note: unrequited love

[3]
it plays, my eyes shine
it teases, my heart rhymes
it purrs, my love chimes
note: a cat

DRABBLE

[1] MinSu

"Pass me the desert" the one with the baby face nudged.

"No" came the curt reply.

"Yah! I want some dessert too!" he slapped the arm of the youngest.

"I said no," the latter eyed the other steadily.

"Minnie.." a pout; an ultimate weapon of his.

"No, duckbutt" or not..

Junsu stood up, trying to take a hold of the plate with some cuts of strawberries. But the youngest were faster, snatching it, and standing up; the plate high above his head. Junsu wouldn't relent.

"I said gimme it!" he tried to pull Changmin's arm down, hoping for a slight advantage on his part.-

he's not THAT tall compared to the youngest. why must life be so unfair??

-The tallest pulled out of his grip easily, a slight mirth on his eyes. "You evil! Come on, Min-ah!" he was exasperated. He tried for another tug.

And Changmin dodged again. But,

A pulled forward.

A skipped of heartbeat.

A deep kiss.

The youngest falters (which is a rare sight); ears and face in deep crimson. "There. Satisfied?" it was Junsu's turn to smirk.

"Dang it"

Junsu ate his dessert happily.

[2] HoMin

He was awake, Yunho was sure of that. It's just the faintest brush of skin against fabric, and he could already tell the difference between heartbreak or gentle ruffle and fury or pure dream.
It's just the both of them anyway.

He heard a creak of bed.

"Min?"

"I'm getting some water," Yunho noted how the youngest voice was horse, how his eyes looked hollow, how the body resembled so much a corpse.

A door was closed, the darkness enveloped him.-

he felt so alone. so very alone at this moment

-and a faintest sound of sob.

he has failed. he failed them.

Yunho cringed. He felt his body spasm. He kicked the covers, slamming his body to the side; he laid in a fetal position. The sob, louder than before, making him slammed his pillow on his ears; trying to block the sound. His hands were shaking. His tears were uncontrollable. His own sob was muffled.

Responsibility versus self needs. Old debts versus self rights. Pride versus brotherhood. Security versus undecided freedom.

He lost the battle.

-------------------------------------------------

Please dont bash me for the second drabble. I love them all equally, regardless of the current situation. it's just my take on things on an extent. it is pure fiction. Thus so, here are my writings (after so LONG) and im happy with it, so enjoy~ ^^

Red Ocean

2010-04-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa!!!

Long time no see. I mean it. It has been forever since I updated this blog ever since I have my own blog and I feel kinda lazy to be doing both. Plus, I can't just cut and past or copy and paste from my own blog and put it here. It will be unfair. Anyway, my topic for today.

Red Ocean...

For all Cassiopeia, it can only mean one thing; TVXQ. But, when I say this word out loud, people will always ask me;

'Why are you so fanatic about this group?'

and usually, it will be followed by this remarks,

'They are just another Korean boyband.'

Some may even add this up,

'They only have good looks and even if they can really sing, they are still another boy-band.'

What is the result of the questions and remarks made by others to me? Well, I usually went KaBOOOM!

haha...naah...Just kidding.

Well, it is hard to explain why I love them. I mean, some people just love somebody and there is no word to explain why it happen because it just did. Just like the obsession with Mawi (urgh...yerk...) and Siti Nurhaliza, or NSYNC or BSB or anyone else for that matter.

You can't really explain why you love that person because you just simply do. As for me, I come to love this group in early 2009 which is fairly new. I hardly knew them and was just starting to fall in love with them when

WHAM!!

Lawsuit case.

I guess that is why I love them more. I mean, I was at the peak of loving them when they filed that case against SME. And it was nearly their 6th Anniversary and just after A-Nation (correct me if I am wrong here) concert. Fans were not ready to receive such blow and were devastated by that case. this is when I can see how united Cassie are in order to bring the boys together and I spent hours and hours of watching their videos and wonder how this can happen.

I mean , if you know the boys, then you know that they are more than people working in the same group, but they are blood brothers. I cried when I noticed that their first appearance after the lawsuit and sing Stand By You but they can't look at each others' face and it was devastating. It is because I felt like it was only yesterday that they performed the song in Tokyo Dome and they were so happy with it.

aah~ I can't really tell how much I love them and I don't think that I can even make you see them from my POV. I guess just Cassie knows how I feel.

Okay...here is some jot downs for Red Ocean.

Red Ocean
can never be parted with 3-2
can never be divided as 5-3=0
can never be alive without the 5

Red Ocean
linked together by 5 stars
5 Gods Rising from the East
that formed Cassiopeia and the waves of red

Red Ocean
thundering the sky with love
showering the earth with the rise of the sun
creating tumultuous effect of fangirls

Xiah Junsu, your charismatic sexy wave
Mickey Yoochun, that killer smile
Hero Jaejoong the voice of an angel
Max Changmin, the maturity is coolness
and
UKnow Yunho...the leader of the Gods...

I will Always Keep the Faith
I will #saveTVXQ
I will always wait for you

No matter how long it will take
No matter how hard it can be
I will wait
I will wait for you to be back together
as a family
as our stars
as the Gods that Rise from the East

Okay...
I know...it is lame
but who cares
I know I don't
haha

Okay

See you when we'll see you!

lazy bum that I am

2009-10-07T02:39:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Heyya, folks.. Due to serious case of laziness, so I haven't been updating anything for approximately 2 weeks? (give and take a day or two) and blame my consciousness for being the sluggish that I currently am. Course works have demanded more out of me than I possibly can and I am seriously clutching to my very edge of mental indifference . I hope I can cope, seriously. By hook or by crook, I have to survive this. It's only my first semester, for God's sake and already I am dreading my everyday life here. It's irritating (me of myself) sometimes..

Ah, this time around, I have 2 poems to post. I made this a along time ago. Actually my inspiration usually comes from moments and feelings that I have experienced myself, and it's normally based on how I view that certain moment that I wrote my many poems and creative writing texts. (I wonder why am I being so formal this time.. aish..)

_______________________________

Friends Anguish

betrayal
the sensation seeps through you
provoking rage
recalling memories
visions are red
thus tremble your deeds
what wrongs have you done?
the more you push through
the more are you disregard

sorrow
distressing your very being
aggravating sanity
plummeting confidence
sinks in thrust
blurs the eye
acceptance seems impossible
the more you push through
the more are you disregard

hopeless
heartens your way out
looking elsewhere
thrusting strangers
clenches loneliness
howl sobs
you flee
no more of you pushing through
no more of them disregarding you

[this poem is inspired by many things that happened in my life this of late. You know how life sometimes sucks because of the elements it evolves around.. etc..]

_______________________________

Resonance of DBSK

I hear you
and feels of requited love
soothes like angel's tenor
calming til sleep lull
intoxicating like sirens' would
transferring dreams to seventh heaven
your voices are beautiful
intertwined, creating lullaby
together and captivating eyes
with just the presence of five
persuading all drunken
thirst for more
binding them in nexus
exodus them from reality
flown them to fantasy
in the sweet tenor of your voices

sing on
drown me in
your red ocean of vast
it's where I belong

[you know you know from where I got my inspiration to write this poem. huhu.. truthfully this is how I feel, listening to them]

Well, then. I'll be writing more in the near future. Life's just too twisted to let it go just like that (if you get what I mean.. =) That's that, folks! xD

Not Your Favourite Girl

2009-09-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa...

Long time no see...I didn't have any idea on what 2 write...

So I'm reverting back to my old self to write poem...

Not Your Favourite Girl

Your preferences
differs from mine
You ask for a lot
and I am just able to give a little

High above the ground
you lifted me up
soaring me high

but
as high as you tried to lift me
your face is still at distance
your words and actions are mere illusions

I might not be your favourite girl
with long flowing hair
slim tall figure
beautiful and sexy face

I am just me
A person that is lacking

but you too forgets
that you are not perfect yourself

Seeing you with naked eyes
people see perfection beyond compare
but deep inside
you are an empty shell
that crave nothing but yourself

that's all folks

see you when we'll see you

Acid in My Brain

2009-09-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Hell-o~
(-_-iii)

Ah~
Me and Farah had co-curriculum class diz morning. Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah to be exact. I still can't quite believe that I join this club. It's my last resort, to be honest and mainly because the 'other' club was just to stupid and such a-shit to accept me.

Oh, well..

It's bad, how I started my day today. I woke up so very late, approximately 45 minutes after the intended time (I think it's partly because I cried a bucket watching 'A Millionnaire's First Love' last night. It's so sad!!). So I confess I didn't take my bath before going to the meeting *grins toothily* But hey! I did brush my teeth and washed my face, all right!

And there was another shitty thing happened at the PBSM meeting this morning as well. For this week, we learnt the CPR procedure. You know how some people would have troubles with doing the practical part so they record it instead. Now, Farah already had her recorded part, but it was still not that clear since she didn't recorded it up close. Then there was this chinese guy in their VAD who did. So, she decided to asked him if he could bluetooth it to her. You know how when we're studying, we share any informations that we have with our friends, right? Doesn't matter if that friend if someone we hardly know but still, this is knowledge we're talking about. So if it's me, honestly, I don't mind sharing. Really.

Back to this chinese guy and Farah. So she asked him if he would bluetooth the video to her. And you know what he replied? (this part happened right in front of my eyes, you see)

"No, I'll not give it to you,"

and the next sentence:

"No, I'm not willing,"

and I can still remember his face when he said this with complete clarity. How dare he, saying those right in front of someone's face? Have he no consideration? Okay, okay. You don't want to give it to people. Fine. But can't you please speak politely, please? Say things like, 'Oh, my bluetooth's no working, maa. Sorry' or something. Is it so hard in saying 'I'm sorry'? I feel like slapping him, I really am. Such attitude. Maybe he can just shrunk in hell where he belonngs.

I don't get what's the problem. 1 Malaysia, huh? ('__')

Hm~
I meant to post a poem this time round, actually. But blurting this out seems more of a priority at the moment. Huhu..

Well, that's that for now, folks!
xD

Attention!

2009-09-11T02:32:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa...

I'm having headache right now. Let me start rambling about my current situation. It is funny what fasting can do to you. I mean, not fasting in general, it is more like what hunger can do to you. I think I am more sensitive when I am hungry and I tend to get emotional in this kind of situation.

You see, when you have seven siblings, it is hard to get the same unconditional and undivided love from your parents. Although of course, parents will never say that they are being unfair. They will say that all of their children get the same attention and love, there will be no bias or favouritism but all in all, I think it is a lie. Even we ourselves tend to get choosy and we will favour one person more than the other. You know that you are being unfair but you can't help it. It just happens.

Anyway, in a big family situation where everyone is fighting for more attention and love, it is difficult to get notice sometimes. You will feel like you are left-out and sometimes you could even come to the conclusion that maybe you are not really your mum and dad's flesh. You might be adopted and somewhere in your mind, you think that your real family is out there looking for you. I know I did think like that when I was small. I was so convinced about it since I am the darkest one in the family with straight hair and boyish features. I do not think that I fit in my family because they are all fair and have curly-ish hair.

Well, (okay...I am getting there) today I felt a pang of sadness. I think this is a childish behaviour and I will be okay afterwards but now, I am sad. When I am sad, my brain will start to hurt a lot and this led to me being tension. My mum was joking. I know she did (I hope...) when I told her that I still haven't buy my baju raya and guess what she said?

'Padan muka.'

How on earth can you say that?

Wow.

Looking at that phrase makes me wanna cry...

Okay...

Signing out for now.

See you when we'll see you.

Melancholy of a Sleepyhead

2009-09-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Current music: Yakusoku (Promise) by DBSK
Current read: Anything of fanfiction with 'SMUT' rating
Current mood: Oily

--melancholy starts--

Tomorrow's class at 9. And I haven't been sleeping yet. And it's already 3.30 am. Tinie's at my back, doing her assignment *turns* (oh, man, she's already asleep) and here I am, online-ing and messing myself with the likes of fanfiction that I love so much, even if that I'm not supposed to cause they drove me insane with the needs to always read them and I can't do that because if I do, I'll never be able to stop and I refuse to be a victim of a sick ---holic person although, literally, I am one and I don't fucking give a damn how madly in love I am right now and I am though how should I do when there are five of them and I'm only supposed to be married to only one, have cute kids with slanting eyes, great voice and lithe forms (in my dreams) oh God please let me stop now cause I'm dying from lack of oxygen but why, oh WHY do sate nowadays are so expensive, like, sky rocketed expensive and I mean RM0.60 per piece, my ass thus that is crazy and you can find sates with much lower price tastes much, much better with bigger meats attached to the sticks, but oh, shit my stomach is grumbling. S.O.S. *inhales...exhales*

I miss my cow.. Seriously I do. I am. I was and will always be. It's just that I don't see the point to bringing it here when I always kick him in the end. I'll find him lying soberly at the bottom of my bed, non-existence tears fell silently on his face. Not to mention he would get squash by the heads of my peers, anyway. Poor him. Thus, rather than being squash senseless, best he be left, quietly brooding in my closet. He has all kinds of friends in there anyway. A moustach-less Cat, a half-mouth Teddy and a chibi Ultraman. Go Cow! Cow go round~

OMFG
I have a presentation tomorrow and I don't have a fucking clue as to what I should say tomorrow. I don't have any fucking idea what is it that she really wanted. What a way of motivation, eh? 2 of my major tests were a complete shit and suddenly, I find myself eager for the next assignment to be issued. I KNOW I am mentally sick. Everyone can tell especially now. AND my ex contacted me at four yesterday and I found myself want to be contacted again. Double mental sickness. Gosh.. No wonder I don't have any boyfriend yet.

am currently screaming (in head):
"I AM TIRED
I AM WEARY
I HAVE HEADACHE
I AM GONNA GO CRAZY"

self screams back:
"THEN GO TO SLEEP, YOU BITCH!"

See? I told you I am crazy.

~at another part of my head~

IMMA GONNA GRADUATE~~
IMMA GONNA GRADUATE~~
YAY!!

Oh, yeah.
I'm gona stop now. Have kad raya to finish writing now. Or sleep to be consumed. Have it anyway you want and YESS, IT'S RAINING!!

--melancholy ends--

And~ Just something to salivate (dat a word?) over.. ^^

*drools*

That's that, folks~
xD

Tension?

2009-09-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa!!

Urgh! I think I am too tensed out lately...Y? Don't ask. U don't want 2 know. It is a looooong story. Trust me when I say that. However, all those tension resulted in:

PIMPLES!

Argh!!!

Another reason to worry....

Haih~

Okay then...

C u when we'll see u...

P.S Does anyone knows how 2 get rid of them? Other than stop worrying.

With You

2009-08-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Once again, this short story is also dedicated to them. I think it reflects their current situation; problems with SME and all, though I sincerely hope not as extreme. Enjoy!!

[YUNJAEYOOSUMIN]

With You

You are drenched from head to toe.

Let this be.

You are tired. You are weary.

I want to stop.

Tears marred your beautiful porcelain face, despite the wetness. Your hair disentangles. Your lips are blue. Your fingers are shrunken. Your body is trembling.

Let me be.

You feel like shutting everything down. Everything is attacking you from all sides. Left. Right. Up. Down. You have no room to hide, be yourself. You are insecure. It seems impossible that you’ll win.

Please leave me be.

Others are suffering too, you know that. It feels like it is caused by you. You brought the issue up. The other two agree with you. And another two know you have made the decision.

I’m so sorry.

Thunder growls ahead, as if unwilling to accept your forgiveness. You feel so alone. In this place only you know, you feel so alone; a feeling you have never felt before in this place.

Just take me away.

You choke on the sobs that threatened to leave your mouth. Your right hand clenches on the shirt at your chest, as if to clenches away the pain in your heart. Your body bows to the hurt. It does nothing.

Oh, God. Just take me away.

Helplessness drains you of rationality. Insecurity threatens your sanity. You’re falling off from a high cliff. You’re choking on the bleach. You’re stabbed straight on your chest. You’re all that.

Just take me already.

…

Sudden screech of a car’s tires stop your train of thought. A door being open and close. Fast footsteps coming your way.

“Jaejoong..” an umbrella over your head. You would recognize that voice anywhere. Anywhere at all, “You’ll catch a cold”

Don’t hide from me, please.

You breathe in deeply. You look at the face on your left. Yunho’s face. Half of him is soaking wet from the rain, while the other half is safely under the umbrella which is used to protect you from the rain. Sure smile graces his lips.

“How-“

I’ll find you anywhere.

His fingers brush the tears away from your face. His eyes searching yours. You know he knows of it too. He cups your cheek.

I’m here, Jaejoongie.

You clench your teeth. Your tremble gets uncontrollable. Your visions get more blurry than it already is. You touch the hand that is cradling your face. You hold onto it. You lean on it.

We’re right here.

You turn to look at the car and there are three figures standing there. The three of them are soaking wet. Each face illuminates the others. Worry. Relief. Affection. They’re smiling. At you.

We love you.

Your chest feels strangely lighter. The problems that have been bothering you to the point of robbing you of your sanity seem insignificant. Despite the tears, you can clearly see your path ahead of you. The future of anew.

“I love you too,”

Because they’re with you.

Well, that's that, folks!
xD

Eternal Memory

2009-08-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong @yahoo.com.my

Hiya...

It has been a long time since I wrote my last poem in the blog. This morning, sudden ispiration comes to me.

Eternal Memory

The dropping and tinkling of rain
soft sweet moan of wind
the bed sighed and squeaked
it creaked with light sound of pleasure

Memories played like a musical lit
of sounds
vibrant colours
deep emotions running high

You in my mind
a memory that never fades
bittersweet roughness of thoughts
tears and smiles in a single frame

For we are one
and we are whole
but
now you are gone
our memories I shall hold

This memory is my keepsake
my fountain of love
eternal it will
forever it remains

P/S: yes I know, difficult to understand and bla, bla, bla...But I guess that is what cold weather and ever so silent room will do to you. It will make you emotional and delirious thinking bout new ideas. haha

Okay...

That's it for now.

See you when we'll see you.

Bambi's missing

2009-08-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08yahoo.com

Just my useless attempt to write fluff fic. I don't know if its working or not. You Let me know.

This is once again written based on the band that I love. All of the characters are not mine, though the plot is. Also, this is a BB fic. If you don't like it, don't read.

[MINHO]

Bambi’s missing

Changmin stares at the lonely figure sitting alone on the living room’s couch. The figure seems to be still awake, amidst the lateness of the night have gotten. Despite the ravenous hunger his stomach is currently experiencing, another feeling settles heavily in his chest.

Guilt.

~*~

(A few hours earlier)

“I still don’t get it why you’d do such thing” Junsu complained. He exchanged a look with Yoochun beside him and Jaejoong who was reading Naruto comfortably on Changmin’s bed just beside Yunho’s. Changmin ignored the comment and proceed to take Bambi out of his safe place (a.k.a. on the leader-sshi’s bed).

“It’s payback time” he growled darkly.

“Why?”

Changmin sighed heavily in frustration, “He ate ALL of the kimchi Jaejoong hyung made yesterday’s evening! Until the very last prickle!”

Jaejoong and Yoochun let out an identical snort while Junsu stared. Always, it really isn’t hard to figure why people calls Changmin a legendary food monster. His stomach is just… legendary.

“It’s just kimchi, Changmin. Besides, you just had 2 boxes of pizzas all by yourself. I’ll make you another bowlful. No need to drown Bambi in the washing machine. Yunho won’t be able to get some sleep tonight,” Junsu tried to reason with the youngest.

“Your kimchi’s not as good as Jaejoong hyung’s, although I’ll take your offer just fine. AND that is precisely my point. So our leader won’t get a good night sleep. I slept at FOUR out of hunger when he finished the food,” he stormed out of the room, choking Bambi’s neck along the way.

“Poor Yunho~” Jaejoong said in a sing song voice. Junsu smacked his head with the comic in his hands.

~*~

Changmin ignores his growling stomach and made his way towards the leader.

“Hyung,” Yunho turned to look at him. And immediately, an adorable pout graces the older man's lips. Changmin can’t believe that this is the person fans claim to be the manliest of them all. If manly refers to the fact that a grown male sleeps with his plushie deer, that is.

“Changmin ah~ I can’t sleep,” chin on his knees. Cute. This is another point that Changmin find it hard to believe about their leader. How can such simple act makes his heart flutter to no end?

“I can figure that out as much,” Changmin averted his eyes from Yunho’s stare, “I’m sorry,”

Yunho frowned, “Why?”

“IamtheonewhothrowsBambiintothewashingmachine,” the magnae looks at his feet, “and make you can’t sleep tonight. I’m sorry. I was just too hungry to think stra-“ a pair of lips claim his own.

His eyes widened.

It was just a peck, but it turns Changmin’s neck and ears tomato red. Yunho looks at him with his smoldering eyes.

“Who says it’s only Bambi that I need to help me get a good night sleep?”

That put Changmin’s stomach to a silent mode.

Not his heart, though..

That's that, folks!

1st Day Pose

2009-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaa!

Well, today is the first day of fasting or 'pose' and now is 11.46 a.m. and I am already hungry. My stomach is rumbling, churning, making gong-like-sound-and-doing-the-crazy-dance and I am this close of forgetting that today I am fasting and nearly opened the fridge in search of food.

Haih...

I don't know that I will be tempted like this. First day is hard...

What I looked like now

Dear Allah...Guide my through the day without vain and temptation. Amin...

Hehe...

That's it for now.

See you when we'll see you!

Happy First Day of Fasting!

Brethen forever

2009-08-21T04:46:00.001-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Aw~
Thanks, Farah! That's so sweet of you!
=D

Aight, about this time's post. It's a story.
I love DBSK and I decided to write something about them. It's nothing serious. No smut or anything (eheh..) just something about when they won the awards at the Golden Disk. It really is a prestigious ceremony and they did win the most outstanding award of the night. Although I'm taking one of the member's P.O.V as a narrator, I know it's no where near perfect. I mean how can one knows what others' are thinking? Especially since I've never even spoken to him (I wish!). But I hope I was able to capture just a tiny piece of the precious moment. p/s: I did watch the video of this moment, by the way.

...........................

“Dong Bang Shin Ki!”

Your prayer is answered. You burrow your face in your own clenched hands; lost in the overwhelming feeling of victory. The next thing that you notice is Jaejoong’s hand on your back. In a briefest second, you catch his eyes and he has this sort of smile in it which is exactly the same smile he wore for you and the members when you felt like everything else was crashing down and everything else turned against you. He has that ability in him that has always been able to lift you.

Then you turn to those around.

Numerous hands try to reach you; to hug, to hold, to shake, to pat. You don’t keep track. You could no longer distinguish whose voice is congratulating, wishing you the best, adoring you. Your fellow artists, composers, staffs, and most importantly, your beloved Cassiopeias; screaming and shouting you and your members’ name from afar. You could even swear that you hear half of them cried. Happy tears, you sincerely hope so and you find yourself wishing them every happiness in the world and if there is any way, any way at all that you could give every single one of them a bear hug you always gave your members. If it could somehow repay everything that they have done for Dong Bang Shin Ki, you would do it. But you also know that it would be impossible so you find yourself taking a vow to always do your best in everything you attempt in. Singing. Dancing. All for your Cassiopeias.

The walk to the stage seems so many miles away.

The legs that you have been standing on, dancing on almost all your life feel weak all of a sudden. Seems like even your lungs were out of breath now. Forcing more air into them, you try to control your breathing. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. The medal around your neck and trophy in Changmin’s hold, the speech that you are trying to deliver seems incoherent. There are so many people that you wanted thank and express your appreciation to but you are only given 3 minutes to do so. You thought that it was so unfair! You don’t think even a day would be enough if you were to say the names of these people. Numerous faces come to your mind and 5 years of hard work, fatigue, tears, joy; you remember during when you had to start over and the hardships of those days and all of it are finally repaid during this one night. Of course, you would wish for greater achievement in the future, but for now, this is enough. The most prestigious award in Korea goes to you. 1 year and 7 months of insecurities vanishes upon this one night and that is all that matters.

But you couldn’t hold it anymore.

YOOCHUN

You gritted your teeth and then Yoochun stand in your place to continue from where you have left. He speaks with confidence and sureness, although there is a hint of fresh tears in his eyes but he no longer is the one you always have to console like the situation in a few years back. Your heart swells with pride.

CHANGMIN

You take a step back and look to your right. The first thing you see was Changmin looking at Jaejoong who is standing on his right as if to make sure if the oldest is fine. The magnae notices you looking and give a curt nod. You feel like smiling when you think about how concern he is towards his hyungs including you. Really, if you are to have a brother, it is someone like Changmin that you want to be beside you.

JAEJOONG

You turned to Jaejoong; just beside the magnae and he immediately felt your stare. His lips stretch the same smile he gives to you earlier and just like before, you feel assured. “Everything is all right,” say his eyes. You give him a small smile and nod.

JUNSU

Turning to the one member at the farthest right, the feeling you had when you heard the fans cried for you was back. You just want to give him an embrace, pat his back and tell him that you have his back. But watching his solemn face, you know you needn’t have to. Junsu is strong in his own way; you registered that fact long ago.

Suddenly the feeling of pride overwhelms you. These are the members that have gone through thick and thin with you. No matter how thorny the paths are they have been on in just like you. No matter how down you are, they have their feelings of down as well. They have cried, they have laughed, and everything was done with you. The five of you. Jaejoong once said that Dong Bang Shin Ki is only known when there are the five of you and he was absolutely right. Even when there is a member missing, it feels incomplete.

So you end your resumed speech, bow respectively to the audiences and grab each and every one of your members and HUG them. Eyes closed, foreheads touching, hands tangled together, your tears are drown in their smiles.

“We did it,”

..................

Well, that's it. I really feel strongly about writing this. Especially these days when they are struggling with their case with SME. They really are talented and I'm not being a bias. The boys deserve much better.

Ok, that's that!
xD

wearing lenses

2009-08-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaaa...

Sorry because I never updated the blog anymore. I don't know. USM is quite hectic. I have free time but somehow, I just never have the 'itch' to update the blog. Oh yes,

"FELIZ CUMPLEANOS A'AN!". It is in Spanish, and it means Happy Birthday. Since I am learning that language, so why x use it eh?hehe

Today's post.

I never wear contact lenses.As the matter in fact, I don't like touching my eyes. But now, I would like to try one. I actually bought 2 pair of contact lenses. One is in green and another is brown. Very brave colour for first attempt eh? Anyway, I have tried it on and it is perfect! haha...

I'm having green eyes as I am writing this blog. Love that colour a lot.

Okay...

See you when we'll see you!

Tata

First

2009-07-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Deafening.

Exactly that, it was deafening. The first time when it happened. Sounds of bus tires screeching, engine rolling of the bus that you were about to board; Transnational Express, puffy smoke from the bus itself or from the passersby; dying themselves out with a heave or two of Dunhill. Probably even Pallmall and Winston. The air was stiffly hot, what with the heat from the busses or from the fact that you were standing on the ground floor of a bus station. Stuck there and no other ways to escape since you have to get on the bus by 8.30 or you’ll have to face dad soon. The atmosphere was really making you dizzy by the second. Wrinkling your nose, and that was when you turn to him.

Him.

You stared at him, admittedly, greedily, drinking the sight that you missed the most 24/7 since you both first declared. Seriously. You missed him day and night and the fact that both of you live 223 km apart didn’t help at all. One a city savvy and the other a plain country being through and through. Not exactly a good match, now that you think about it, but during that time, it simply didn’t matter. Everything else didn’t matter. The actuality that you lied to your parents just to see him didn’t matter. The fact that you nearly caused your friend difficulties with your parents since you asked her to tell them dishonesty didn’t matter because you just had to see him. Problems that will arise, you’ll deal with it only when it comes under your nose, and since that is your motto anyway. Whatever happens will happen and you just have to deal with it one by one. A good motto, you always thought, but could only be applied with certain standards, it seems.

He was watching elsewhere when you were staring and you always thought how lucky you are to have him. Your first love. Since you were eleven. But it wasn’t long for you two to fully realize your feeling towards each other during that time because you moved to other state. And fate pulls its thread one day and after 8 years of broken hope and silence, he contacted you again.

You were friends. Good friends who messaged each other every day. YM-ing, MMS-ing, and phone calls were also standard acts of you two. It was fun and you HAD a lot of fun. He was funny whilst he could also be serious at the same time. He was very charming and before you knew it, he already charmed your heart for the second time in 8 years of your life. So how could you refuse when he asked for your heart the day the first time both of you met after such a long time? First look at him and you went all weak-knee. There was nothing else to do or say, even, except for the simple ‘Yes’; although you asked him to give you 2 days to think it over (when honestly, you could just say yes on the spot, really. There was nothing to think over; as head over heels fallen as you).

So there you go. Both of you had gone through a complete circle. Today was only your second date with him after 3 months of being together. You understood him, you really did. Both of you were at the tertiary level education. Assignments, projects and tutorials were a must thus explained of why you could never see each other at a weekly or even monthly basis. And here you were with him.

Today was fun and romantic. He took you to the waterfalls. Both of you took a bath in the river. He also cooked a barbeque for you. And that was it. Time flees so fast and before you know it, it was time to say goodbye. The bus’s door bust opened and you quickly took your ticket out to go on board.

He turned to you. And the smoldering look that he gave suggested that he was as reluctant to say goodbye as you were.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said. And you, being the frail being that you are, felt like your legs had been turned into marshmallow.

“I’ll miss you too,” you managed to let out in between frantic heartbeats and incoherent breathings. He took your right hand and you knew that he would do it even before he did it.

He kissed your hand.

You smiled even when your heart felt like it was about to burst. Tears were already a pool in your eyes and you tried your best not to let them fall. You refused to let go of his hand; the one that holding yours and you started to think of any way, any way at all that you could simply postpone your bus ride to tomorrow. You really wanted to spend your time with him. You really, really did.

You looked down to hide your eyes and your left hand was clenching your bag until it felt like it had turned white already.

And then, suddenly…

You were in his arms.

You didn’t even have time to blink. One minute you were looking down and the next second you were overlooking from the right plane of his wide shoulder.

3 seconds, and that was all it took.

And through those 3 seconds, various images flashed through your eyes. You and him when you were both eleven, how it felt like when you moved away, how it felt like these 8 years of nothingness, him when you both met again after 8 years, him asking for your heart. And you could feel that, during that moment, even if he asked you to marry him at that very time and minute, you would even say yes. You could see the whole future ahead of you with him and him only. Nobody else 's could ever interfere, for it was just the both of you. Forever.

How very wrong you were.

...

Thoughts:
Do you think it's possible to hate someone of whom you feel that you really can't live without? That is exactly how I feel about someone. I truly hate ... sometimes, but at times, I realize that without ... , I really won't have the courage to carry on. Especially at this stage of my life.

That that, folks!
xD

Stuck in the Past...

2009-07-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Sometimes past is a good way to look back and see how you have progressed or matured by year. For those who have skeleton in their closet, past is something that they did not want to come across during their happy-future day. For me, past is something that I do not want to remember, that is, if the past was a bleak or rather rotten and grotesque memory that one wants to permanently delete from their life.

Well, my past is haunting me now. I am about to forget it all but then again, the ghost from the past always come to haunt the present.

(sigh)...

%$&*@#!

2009-07-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

Oh, God..

It's in the middle of vertigo here... Nobody has been coming lately and it's all because of my disgusting idle habit...

Dear my idle self...
Go away, please!! Shoo!
(+_+)

USM
USM
USM...
oo..USM..

Of nearly 2 weeks being here.. The pace that I have to keep up.. I seriously hope I have the strength to carry on. This is only 2 weeks! Not yet 2 semesters, or even 2 years. All the lectures and classes that I've been in, they all spoke of the same basis:

APEX

Bullshit, you know..
Ugh..

No, No! I didn't mean me being here is bullshit. It's just that.. just quit talking of the same thing. We're humans too, you know.. Don't expect too much of us. This semester is better, yes, but there are possibilities that we're gonna stumble now and then.

This is getting tiring..

Home's so far away... I could still smell the lingering scent of my house's evergreen lawn.. My bed.. I have expected of all this. I know what I put myself into when I sent myself here, but still it comes as a shock.

The size. It's humungous. (also not an element that I should be surprised on. College is not that big, anyway. Thank God there're buses).
The intake. (It's 3000++ in total. How many was the intake in the college, again? 200?)
The room. (My first impression was, "Oh, my... Can i really live in here? It's so gloomy. That was 2 weeks ago and in the two weeks after, my answer is, "Yes, I can" =)
APEX (Not this again..)
The food. (So cheap! I remembered buying nasi, ikan keli masak sambal. Total? RM2.30. (O_o)
The students, me excluded. (Like I said in the earlier post, they all seems capable of anything. And I do mean ANYTHING. They all speaks English at ALL times and it even seems like an anomaly to speak the language we usually use).
The system. (Complicated as hell. College's system is much more easier. To register for the subjects only, I have to renew my slip for 3 times in a row. Then the confusion of whether or not should I take minor this semester. I've sought advice from 3 different person and they all said of 3 different things. Useless. So then I act with a lot of 'Meh!' on the minor thingy and decides to take it next semester).

And for being here in just 2 weeks, I already have a disturbing problem.

I need to stay in the hostel throughout my 3 years in USM!

And why is that a problem? You have to gain these Unit Desa in order to stay in. And I HAVE to stay in, but I am not that active in anything!

Fine, I don't have a life. So what.

So then I've tried out in many things already.

SUKSIS - Unsuccessful (They kick me out before I even got a chance to go to the interview. Ugh.. Dung a**..)
CONVEX - I've gone thru their interview (the 1st interview in my entire life!) and I dunno wat to say.. Just have to wait for the result).
Interpreneur Club - This club also enacles me to gain my Unit Desa. But I don't know what to expect since I just signed in my name. Also needs to wait for the result.
PBSM - Already in, but it's not my first choice. So... =(

Classes... Classes... Eh...
Ah~ Fine, la.. Intro to Literature, Academic English and Spanish on Monday. Academic English again and tutorial on Tuesday, Spanish on Wednesday, Theories of whatnot (I don't remember the name of the subject.. theehee..), Report Writing and whatnot (also lost in my memories..) and Enterpreneurship Studies on Thursday... And I don't have any class on Friday.

*takes a breather*

Oh, yeah! On a lighter mood, I just HAVE to share this with you.

My boys have all grown up... They're so handsome... I sound like a mom, am I? Well, it's true. I'm so proud.. *sniff*

DBSK - Beautiful Thing

It's feel like
beautiful thing
Below the moon’s shadow
The wind whispers in my ear
Where will it take me
Making the night turn white
A spirit that walks on clouds
Till the dawn comes
Till the night goes to sleep

Time of love, Oh my life
When will be the chosen day
There is nothing in this world
That is not beautiful
For one to know everything in a lifetime
It’s too short of a trip

Though the seasons will come again
Time also passes
Life’s faint light allow
Only the memories remain
I am thankful for each day
So I put my hands together in a small prayer
Everything that is hidden in lies
May I love please

That's that, people..
=)

Confusion

2009-07-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

University is a confusing place
You could get lost in it...
(especially for Semester 1, Year 1 students)

Excuse Me

2009-07-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

It's been... seriously and extremely hectic these last 7 days of the week. Long traveling period, tiring registration day and all... It's been... Well, tiring... (+_+)

And I'm sorry for neglecting this blog for so long. It's not because of lack of idea, and it's not because I don't have the mood to update, but as I said; it's been very, very busy for me. All these new environments make me feels a little bit intimidate of it. Everyone else seems so sure, so certain. But me, I'm still hanging to be honest. Self-confidence seems to have left me far behind.

But duh... it's me who have to keep up the pace, isn't it? So, please wish me all the best. I'll try my hardest (^_^)

Well then this is a poem I wrote a week ago. There's no story for you. I'm sorry. I have one, but ideas are not on my side this time. But I'll finish it for sure! ^^

Excuse me
If I'm at wrong
There might be things
That I've said
That I've done
Has you upset somehow
Your brows are wrinkled
You're seizing me up
Your eyes are on mine
Words fail you
So that's what you do
Your face has a big 'why?'
I've thorn you apart, haven't I?
So excuse me
Forgive me
I was so wrong
Delusions agitated me
Perseverance dominated me
Makes me forget you
Ignores you
I was weak
Desires overwhelmed me
Greed lost me
But I am human
Mistakes are my nature
So excuse me
Forgive my wrongs
Accept me as I am
Coz
That's all that I am to you
That's all that I am to all others

And that's that!
xD

Girl...

2009-06-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaa!!!

This is a poem I've written quite some times ago. Hope you'll like it....(nervous)

The smiling girl

The smiling girl that he sees

The morning girl

The girl that has twinkles in her eyes

The girl that shines everyone with her smiles

That girl

The girl with spring in her steps

The girl with summer in her eyes

The girl with the sweetest smile

…is his girl

She walks with grace

A beautiful girl

She smiles with ease

A cute girl

He sees her daily

But he is afraid

Afraid to make his move

Afraid of rejection

That day

That fateful day

He willed himself strong

He called upon the strength inside

The smiling girl

He sees her

…a step forward

…a future is in hold

That girl

The girl with summer in her eyes

Is smiling with love

With a great guy in her arm,

She is smiling at the world

That's it for now...

See you when we'll see you..

Take care.

Night

2009-06-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

by powerangers_08@yahoo.com

For these few weeks, my sleeping period is seriously messed up. 4 hours a day is enough, right?
=) And since I've been so immersed in night time, so here comes my thoughts on night time.

Night
The realm of mysterious kingdom
The cool still air
With no sound to compare
It speaks a story
No soul is seen dwindle
They're in their own distinct worlds
Thick mist slowly crawls
Blown by the humid wind
At night
There's no sun here
Beautiful moon shines all
Distant stars in the open sky
Twinkling in its calling
Once when the darkness falls
It swallows you in
It holds secret
It holds secret of its own
Night falls
Such gloom, so
Why am I high?
Smiling amidst the chill
It renders peace
With the song it sings
By creatures of night
Promising hopes of tomorrow
If future ever comes

Last but never least, check out this video. He really was born to be a singer. The song was sang live, by the way. His commercial name is Hero and the song's name is Maze. Don't worry if you don't understand what was he singing about for there is a subtitle prepared.

(credit goes to whoever uploaded and subbed this video in the first place. It's not mine)

That's that, folks!
xD

Poetic Me...not =p

2009-06-16T17:04:00.001-07:00

by farah_prong@yahoo.com.my

Hiyaa!!!

I guess, I'm feeling a bit poetic today...So, here it is...

220 pounds of love

She is a beautiful girl
A big girl
A girl that some people thinks should not be seen in public
A chubby girl
A girl that shies away from attention but getting it full
A cherubic girl
A girl that smiles through her tears

She is a beautiful girl
A wonderful girl
A girl with feelings
A girl with a heart
A girl with love

Sure,
She is 220 pounds
The weighing machine screams as she stepped on
But
She is a sweet girl
She is a great girl

Try to look beyond her weight
Sure,
That is the thing that highlighted her the most
That is the thing that makes her get noticed
That is the thing that makes her sad beyond compare

220 pounds of love
…is a pure love
…a love that is based on heart
…a love that is strong
…a true love
…a deserving love
…a grand love

Okay...

See you when we'll see you!